Hello DashingDaisy,

Thanks for taking the time to tell us the way that you’re “locked up” right now. I cannot imagine that it was easy to share it on here in such descriptive and poignant words.

It sounds like this locking involved putting up a thick wall between yourself and the world? You say that you just can’t express things, and I get the impression that you still feel things, but that when you’re locked up, there’s no way for those things to get to the people around you, even if they ask.

Is the locking-up out of your control, DashingDaisy? It must be hugely maddening and confusing (and even frightening?) if that’s the case — like your mind is rebelling against you, and putting up a wall, even though you might want to be able to reach out to others. It sounds like a strange and isolating experience; we are totally here to listen if you want to keep talking about how it’s affecting you.

The Support Team

Hi DashingDaisy,

I appreciate your bravery in sharing more about how being “locked up” is still affecting you. Sounds like you are continuing to struggle with expressing yourself

It must be really hard living like a shaken can of pop with so much inside but no sign of an opening and space to release this tension anywhere. I sense that you really want to address the roots of this internal pain, but the idea of doing so is just too terrifying right now. I can imagine that you are anxious for the fizz to settle in order to get “something” out. Thinking….will this pass on it’s own, or do you have to take action to release all that you are holding inside? I get that you don’t feel comfortable doing what your therapist suggested…yet I’m also hearing that you feel the need to do something because you are aware that you can’t hide this anymore.

I can hear how ashamed you are for having that ‘out of control’ feeling even though it is out of your control. It’s like if someone finds out, they might see you differently because of it.

I’m wondering if this “something” is causing your feeling of ‘out of control’ or if it is the pressure of being “locked up”? Also curious if you ever had that feeling before and how you were able to regain back your control?

Thanks for your openness, even if it feels “locked up”.

the Support Team

DashingDaisy,

You have such power with your words and even the silences between them.

I can truly hear how beaten and overcome you’re feeling by the emotions that seem to be haunting you, and by the battle you’re waging with food. I can only imagine how unbearable it is to have to face eating in order to survive, but to have your body in such pain as a result — like there’s no way at all to win.

It sounds like you’re utterly fed up with the terrible results that come from eating. Am I understanding you right when I hear that the treatments don’t seem to be helping at all? I bet that would add a layer of discouragement and exhaustion to the pain and stress that you’re already experiencing…

Those three diagnoses are a lot to face all at once, DashingDaisy, and I can hear how completely overwhelming it is for you to have to deal with them. How are you coping right now?

Stay connected DashingDaisy; we’re here for you, even if it’s just as a place to express the agony.

The Support Team

DashingDaisy,

It sounds like you are being overrun by emptiness. Like you came with a fire in your heart, and the suffering and frustration of being rejected again and again have slowly snuffed out the flame, leaving only questions and nothingness. I get the sense that you’re left wondering whether there was even a point to moving so far and trying to make a change.

It’s like you’re in the middle of a storm of loneliness, and it seems like no matter which way you look, people have drifted farther away… On top of the feelings of isolation, I can hear so much sorrow around having lost your friend, someone who you feel such a deep connection with. There’s a bittersweet quality to your words…am I correct in hearing that you’re grieving the loss of their presence in your life, but that you’re strengthened by the connection that you know was there, even if it was interrupted by struggles?

In some ways, you sound resigned to having people turn their backs on you, and it almost sounds like you expect the loneliness that you’re feeling. I’m wondering how you’re coping with the feelings of isolation and nothingness? I can only imagine how weary you must feel if this is a place you’ve been before, and are feeling like you can’t escape from the defeat and feeling of being left alone again…

Stay connected, Dashingdaisy. We’re here to listen to the pain.

The Support Team

Oh DashingDaisy, I imagine it is so unbelievably hurtful that your coworkers both assumed you were pregnant and mocked you when you were feeling ill and vulnerable. Am I right in hearing that their jeers planted a little seed of worry that you might be pregnant, even if you are pretty sure you’re not? I get a sense you are outraged they seemed to think it was acceptable to talk to you about such personal things in such a flippant way.

I can hear from your previous posts how alone you are feeling. It sounds as though you are truly grieving the loss of both your friend and your family member who were at one time your supports in this new place. Is there anyone in your life now who you can to go when you’re feeling down? How have your therapist appointments been going lately? I would guess it’s particularly excruciating to have your co-workers bully you when you’re feeling like there’s no one left on your side

Keep connecting in this difficult time, DashingDaisy. Our thoughts are with you.

the Support Team