I can only imagine how overwhelming your emotions were to turn to SI the other night. You hadn’t considered SI before, and I get the sense that all of a sudden the pain inside built up to such an overwhelming level that you needed a release. While SI provided one form of release, Im also hearing that youre angry at yourself for giving into the self-hatred, pain and sadness I can hear the intensity of that experience for you, and how surprised and confused you are by your own actions. Im really glad you connected with us to talk about about it
You said you are scared that you want to do it again, but Im also hearing that you don’t want to do it — that you want to find another way to cope with the intense feelings? Have you thought of anything else that might help lessen the intensity?
I can hear how terrifying it feels to think about telling someone about your inner-most thoughts and feelings… you sound so isolated and alone :’( Trying to find someone trust-worthy can be challenging, and then actually talking to them can be really tough to do! I suspect too, that you have so many thoughts and feelings whirling around your head and heart that it’s hard to know where to even start, AND especially when you feel so exhausted from feeling so many things! Is there anyone in your life that you feel you can be honest with?
Again, Im really thankful you found us — we’re here for you bettysue. If you’re interested, in addition to the forum, our live chat is available 6-11pm every night (except Wednesday for now, but starting in Sept we’re open 7 nights a week!) if you want to connect that way.
The Support Team