Hey there icemonster,
I can hear from your post that life is listless for you right now…seems that your life is painted in melancholy. I can really hear your isolation, feeling like no one understands how badly you are struggling because you seem to have recovered. I’m imagining that while on the outside you are functioning, you still feel very susceptible to the roller coaster ride of bipolar. I can only imagine how vulnerable you feel to these moods and the affect they have on you and your life :S Thank you for opening up to us about your fear of the future and what turning 19yrs will mean for you. What/who do you usually turn to when you’re feeling unstable?
Sounds like suicide has been an option for you in the past, perhaps death presents itself as an alternative to these extreme states of high/low. I’m wondering, is suicide on your mind tonight? I hope you know that we can support you via Chat (6-11pm PST) too.
What sorts of strong emotions are you feeling right now? I hope you continue to connect with us, and add us to your support system.
Here for you,
the Support Team