I was really hoping tonight would have gone better…my sister and I had a bunch of friends down, and I was having a great time, until we watched a movie with a couple that were watching a movie in their dorm room. So with that I started imagining how if things had lasted between my ex and I that she could be there with me then watching the movie with my friends and I. I just miss the days when we would cuddle on her couch, and we would just stare into each others eyes. But I was too worried with impressing her parents, that I never really did anything that exciting with her and I will regret that forever if I never get another chance.
I don’t know about suicide…I haven’t been making plans like I had before, but my life just seems so worthless now, and I don’t see any reason to continue living. I just emailed the ecounselling today, so maybe that will help but I’m not sure. I just feel like I’ve tried so many things to get better, and they all help briefly, but begin to help less with time.
God I’m so confused right now I’m even contemplating my sexual preferences, or if I’m even into people at all. The thought of sex is just gross, and I’m pretty sure that there aren’t any other *young guys that think that. Just the idea of **sex seems gross, and I can’t even imagine it. Really if I ever do find another girl, or make things work with my ex, right now I’d want to do that Petrie dish thing or whatever for making a baby. I’m just so confused right now with everything, and I think I like girls, but I’m wondering if because I don’t like the thought of sex that I really don’t. And like I’ll think stuff like “that guy is pretty good looking” but like in a complimentary kind of way, not like a “I want to date him and have sex with him”
*edited by the Support Team for identifying information
**edited by the Support Team for sexual content