Tonight started out great. I got MVP for the game in my soccer game, and I drive home grooving out to the Blitzkreig Bop. But then I got home.
Just a usual Saturday where I’m not out with friends, but sitting in my basement alone watching TV, and thinking about stuff. The thought of my ex with this new guy won’t leave my head, and it is destroying me inside to think about the two of them together.
I just wish I had a friend I could talk to about this stuff, but I don’t feel like I have any close friends. I think I have a lot of friends, but no one ever invites me to anything besides the gym once in a while. I see the pictures online of all these parties and get togethers, and it hurts to know I want invited. Especially like on New Years when I spent it alone. In my basement alone.
I just want to talk to someone about this, but I just don’t feel like anyone cares about me, and even the people I’ve told I feel like they’ve drifted away from me. My ex I’m not surprised, but I thought te person I told on Thursday would make a bigger effort to help me through this time. I told them because I want someone to talk to about this, but I also don’t like talking to people about it because then if I do end up killing myself they’ll blame themselves for not doing enough to help me, and I don’t want to drag people down after I die. I just want to be thrown into a hole, covered in dirt, and then be left there to rot, and be forgotten.