Tonight was a bad night the shicode thoughts came back, because I realized that it would be easier than having to think about my ex all the time. She won’t talk to me still, and I know that this will take time, but it’s just so tough
Then me and two buddies were playing a video game tonight, and one of them rage quit leaving me and the other guy. Then he left to go play zombies mode with three other friends. I joined the party, but they told me to leave because they could only take 4 people in all. It wasn’t “hey Martin wants to play this video game! How about we play multiplayer, and wait to play zombies for a time when no one else is on” but that’s just not the way some people think. One of the guys was also supposed to text me tonight to hang out, but he never did, and he apologized for that, and I was pretty tired so I wasn’t too disappointed about that. Being forced to leave their group on the video game really hurt though
Killing myself just seems like such an day way to deal with all of this. I know it’s not the honourable way to go, but I don’t really care anymore.