Hello all, well I was hoping that I would kinda get away from my ex this semester…but no luck there. After my first blk everyday I see and her friend walking to their 2nd blk class…which I right across from my classroom at the same time!!! And then in block 4 they sit in the hallway that my classroom is at. I was really thinking that not seeing her might make me get over her, but well I guess that won’t be happening this semester.
Grad is coming up…and I don’t want to go AT ALL everyone else is so excited for it, but I’m dreading it, and really hoping that I can just skip it. I wanted to bring my ex when we were dating, but I decided against asking her because it was pretty far in the future. Yet another what if there that maybe if I’d asked her we would still be together also at the last dance we had the Winter Formal, I just sat around depressed the entire time, and I think I’ll be doing the same thing at Grad which sucks
Then I went over to a friends house the other day which was cut short because his dog was puking, but he made a good point when we were talking about my ex. He really wants me to get over her, and doesn’t understand why I like her just because of how different we are. Really I don’t understand either, but she just made me happy all the time, and I’ve never felt that way before. My friend said that maybe because sheafs me feel like that, that that’s why I want her back, so I can feel that way again. Which makes sense, but is that really so wrong? I’ve talked to plenty of girls, and there was just something about her that made me smile whenever I saw a text arrive from her, or a message on FB come from her. I could talk to her for hours and never be bored, and I can’t stand not having her in my life right now. I haven’t talked to her in about a week, and I’m contemplating making another attempt at talking to her again. Yah it’s probably too soon, and chances are she won’t respond, but I have to try.
Another friend I’ve known since I was in diapers said just to seem happy, give her space, and she’ll realize that leaving me was a mistake, but I can’t be, or act truly happy without her, it was a good idea, but I’m not sure it’ll work
Finally suicide…I’ve contemplated it to get out of grad, and that really just shows how much I want to go. Plus it’ll stop all these horrible feelings I’ve been having, and that would be awesome.