Sometimes a step back can give a bit of perspective (like looking at a picture in an art gallery), and it sounds like taking some time to look at the positive things that have been happening in your life has given some clarity about how your feeling, or how you want to feel, about the way your life is going.
The image in my mind is that of a bird with a weight tied to its ankle…like you know that you want to fly, and that the sky is so close, but that the weight is too much to lift. Sounds like even though there’s quite a few good things going on for you, that there are still some things pulling you down.. I get the sense that these girls using you as a rebound really hurts.. that even though you weren’t interested in this girl, you still want to be seen and liked for you.. not as a way for a girl to get over another guy..
You mention that the thoughts of suicide have really been triggered lately, especially by the assembly. It scares me that you feel like your friend’s support might not be enough to help you through…it sounds like the edge is really close sometimes. I’m so glad that you connected with us again; I can’t imagine that it was easy to reach out, especially if you’re feeling indifferent to your own life right now. :’(
Thanks for staying connected,
The Support Team