I can really sense how tumultuous your feelings are now. There are moments when you ache with the pain and loss of being alone with thoughts of suicide and with your sadness about your ex. But I can also see that there are moments when you feel like there might still be something worth living for. It must be incredibly difficult to keep going when you feel like you’re being tossed around on an emotional rollercoaster. It sounds like there are a lot of times when death seems overwhelmingly serene compared to the chaotic and lonely pain of living.
Thanks for being totally honest with us about the chats. I can understand how it could get frustrating to feel like you’re having to retell your story. Like having extra challenge added when you’re already struggling to find the energy to keep reaching out…Hopefully the forum helps a bit with that. I think we’ve also mentioned the e-counselling that you can access on our website?
Life is so lonely for you right now, hey? I truly get the sense that you’re feeling abandoned with your grief…like everywhere you turn, you find people, but none of them seem to be close enough to really feel what’s going on for you…and some of them hardly seem like friends at all… I can hear that it wounded you when the friend you opened up to didn’t do more, and it sounds like you’re beginning to doubt that anyone really cares. That’s got to feel completely isolating; I’m glad that you have the strength to reach out here.
Martin, the hopelessness and desperation that you’re feeling come through your words so clearly. Your heart has been ripped out, and it must seem impossible that it will ever feel healed. I can hear how close to the edge you are, and how pointless normal activities feel. I’m glad to hear that ball hockey is on the horizon to look forward to, and to temper the darkness a little bit.
We are here for you as you feel this pain. Stay connected.
-The Support Team