Well, I guess the thoughts are lessened when I’m busy, but whenever I’m not I just get super depressed. Turns out my ex was lying about the two girls not wanting to talk to me, and she just doesn’t want me talking to her friends. She said later its fine if it helps me get through, but who cares anymore. I don’t have anyone to contact if these thoughts become too much. I have the suicide hotline, but I don’t think I’ll use that my family doesn’t know, and of the two “friends” that know about my suicidal thoughts, my ex seems to talk to me just because she’s scared I’ll kill myself if she doesn’t. It’s nice of her, but when the only actual conversations where I can get more than one word outta her in response are when we talk about my suicide…that doesn’t really help then the other girl…she’s in a great place, and I don’t need to screw up her life. She has a great boyfriend, she has great friends, and she seems happy. I’m not going to ruin her days by making her deal with my crap. I know she would, but I just can’t put that on her.