I’m hearing that you’re still very torn between feelings of hopelessness and aspirations for the future… like that college course still holds your interest but there are so many barriers in the way that you can’t see yourself there. It sounds like at your core you really long to be happy – to find a future for yourself with someone to love and a career that makes you happy.
I imagine the summer seems to be stretching endlessly in front of you with no real plans and with the awareness that your parents expect you to go out and socialize. It’s like you’re being forced out of your safe zone (home) and into the world without your parents understanding just how agonizing that can be for you.
I can see how confused you feel over your feelings for this girl who is your confidant as well as your ex and the girl you fell for recently. Those are a lot of different emotions to process and all coming at you from different angles — coupled with the question of whether they would truly care once you were gone.
We are here for you Martin when you need to share and feel heard.