Oh grenouille, I can hear how fragile that thread is that is holding you…it sounds like the place in your heart that might have once held hope is tragically empty, and that you can’t imagine how life could possibly move forward from the loss that you feel right now. I get the sense that you feel fragmented and ghostly as you move through life, with people around you who either don’t notice your agony at all… or say horrible things about your chances. :'(
Reading your words, I get a sense of a boxing match…like you keep trying to get up, but every time, pain throws another punch straight at you and knocks you flat again. I can hear how close you are to just staying down and giving up…it scares me that you’re that close to the edge.
There’s so much going on in your head, grenouille. I imagine that it’s a battle in there, and that more often than not, the loudest voice is one shouting how awful and worthless and pathetic you are. I think that maybe there’s also a small voice that is timidly asking for a chance to stay alive, even if it’s a very small voice that keeps getting pounded smaller… Keep listening to THAT voice, grenouille. And keep connected. We will support you as much as we can in order to help you get through this. You ARE loved here, and we DO believe that you are a fighter.
Sending hope and strength to you. <3
the Support Team