You are not worthless or hopeless or any of the other “less” things you mentioned. You sound very intelligent and sensitive actually. It seems to me that you keep trying to get help and you haven’t found what you need yet. You may not even know what you need other than for the anguish to stop. I’m so proud of you for finding that inner strength to hang on. Your story sounds familiar to me as I struggled with depression, self-harm and an eating disorder. I know how lonely and desperate it can feel. I want to invite you to a live chat that happens Sundays through Thursdays 7:30 – 9pm Pacific coast time. For me, waiting for a response on a message board was very painful and I felt even more lonely if I didn’t get a response. Hopefully the administrators won’t mind me passing this on. Hope to see you there sometime. My screen name there is HJM. Hugs to you!