Don’t worry about apologizing for not posting; we’re definitely glad to hear from you again though.
From your words, it’s like you’re disgusted with yourself for the feelings you’ve been having. You’d like nothing more than to be able to take control of your own emotions and troubles. It scares me to hear how hard it is even to get to the computer (and I imagine to post on the forum). Are you feeling like you’re too worthless to even deserve help?
Grenouille19, it sounds like you’re being tossed around by a storm in your own mind, like you’ve got no control, and are forced just to watch as things crumble inside and out. I can only imagine how completely distressing and miserable that must be, and I can hear how hopeless it is making you feel. The darkness probably seems utterly black right now. What has been keeping you from acting on your thoughts of suicide?
It sounds like a horrible, horrible place to be in right now, like the world is falling apart. Kitzlkraver is right that it’s incredible that you’ve been able to find the strength to hang on, even when it’s utterly draining and feels pointless. Keep fighting, grenouille. We’re here beside you.
The Support Team