December 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm #16377
Alright, so long story short: I dated this guy for about a year, realized I was unhappy, and broke up with him. He was more than displeased with me, and on more than one occasion has threatened in a vague sort of way to kill himself. I don’t care about him romantically anymore, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t care, or want him dead. I do have a heart you know. It’s been months since our breakup and he still hasn’t left me alone with these threats. I’ve even started seeing someone new, and I feel so free and happy now, I’m 100% sure that I made the right decision in breaking up with him. I’m basically not sure if he’s even serious about it because he’s made so many empty threats. I feel like he’s just trying to emotionally blackmail me back into a relationship with him, but I don’t wanna go on that assumption, only to find out that he actually went through with it. I just want to help him, but I’m way too close to the situation to do it myself. How do I go about getting help for him?
December 10, 2012 at 7:20 pm #18536
Thanks for coming to talk with us on youthspace. (:
It sounds like this fear about your ex-boyfriend attempting suicide has been hanging over you for a long while now.. it must be exhausting to have that constant internal fight over worrying about his safety, yet not wanting to get too involved. It sounds like part of that struggle is trying to understand whether or not he’s serious about the thoughts of suicide, or if he’s just trying to get your attention. I’m thinking that it might get overwhelming, trying to find that balance between protecting yourself and showing your concern for this person you care about — or at least that you did used to care about so deeply.
I’m getting the sense that you do feel like you need to do something about his thoughts of suicide, and I’m glad that your gut is telling you to act.. it sounds like way too much to carry just the two of you. I can hear though that you don’t want to be the person to support him — I don’t think that makes you sound like a horrible person at all. I’m glad that you’re able to set boundaries.. it sounds like you’re pretty in tune with what you need.
You ask how you could go about getting help for him… youthspace is a great start for that. One option could definitely be to send him our way. I’d also really encourage you to get support for him in person… is there an adult you can trust that could reach out to him to talk? Like a school counselor or a parent perhaps..? That can be a scary phone call or conversation to have.. and I encourage you to get support for yourself too thru this.
Also, if you feel like the situation is urgent and he will not be able to stay safe, 911 is the most immediate option. You can also call the Vancouver Island Crisis line at 1-888-494-3888. If it’s between 6pm and 11 pm (west coast time), you could also chat or text in to us (778-783-0177) and, like the crisis line, we could try to send someone his way.
I’m glad you posted on our forum MeMyselfandI , and we’re here to support you as you reach out for support for your Ex (or just about life stress in general if you wanted). Feel free to stay connected both on the forum and/or over the chat/text service.
The Support Team.
January 7, 2013 at 2:08 am #18558
Hey MemyselfandI, I’m pretty much on the opposite end of your situation. I’m the ex boyfriend, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t used it as a threat against my ex girlfriend with whom I’m still in love with.
I’m really sorry that your ex seems to be threatening you with the thought of his own suicide. I really don’t know how to help get him or you out of the situation thought because I’m still no out myself.
Just make sure that you surround yourself with good friends, and then they will help you stay strong no matter what happens.
I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone with this problem, and that my ex has the same one, and I’m sure that there are plenty of others.
January 7, 2013 at 7:36 pm #18561
It’s great to hear from the other side of the situation. I guess I really don’t know what it’s like. Believe me, I had a hard time getting over my ex. I didn’t break up with him because I am heartless or anything, he just did me wrong too many times. I knew I deserved better. It’s never easy knowing that you hurt somebody that you once cared about so much. Your ex might be feeling the same way. Breakups are hard on both sides. I’m sorry to hear about your situation to, it’s never easy. Life does go on though, it’s something I wish my ex could see. My situation growing up wasn’t the best, and maybe I’ve become desensitized to things such as heartbreak, but I’ve always found that no matter what, things always turned around. There’s a girl out there for you who won’t break your heart, just like there is for my ex. You just have to open yourself up to that opportunity. Stay strong, my friend.
January 8, 2013 at 12:50 am #18563
Yah my ex told me a few weeks after the break up that she was over me in about 2 days so I guess it just wasn’t a serious relationship to her. But yah I hope things turn around, and the NHL lockout ended the other day so that’s a good start for me and yah I sure hope we both find someone better for us hopefully the guy you were saying you’re seeing now is that guy that makes you happy and hopefully I’ll find a girl that loves me as much as I do her
January 17, 2013 at 9:52 pm #18581
Hey Martin and MeMyselfandI,
It’s beautiful to see such strong peer-support here! I’m inspired by both of you, and your abilities to see the other’s perspective.
MeMyselfandI — I’m glad to hear that you know your worth, and aren’t willing to settle for someone who has hurt you. I can hear how challenging it can be to let someone leave your life…and I’m so thankful for your strength and compassion in wanting to keep your ex safe. Your generosity in seeing him as happy in his next relationship is really touching. How are you taking care of yourself while you support him? If you ever wanna chat about how this stress is effecting you we are online 6-11pm everynight.
Martin — I really appreciate your optimism. I can see how hopeful you are that there is a girl out there that will love you as much as you do her. Sounds like in the meantime you are finding comfort in the NHL news! What else has helped you move forward from your past heartbreak?
Thanks for sharing your strength here
the Support Team
January 18, 2013 at 1:59 am #18582
Yah I dunno really how much I have actually moved on from the breakup I’m still in love with her, and even though she’s so mad at me right now that she won’t even talk to me, I still have hope that we will get back together in the future it’s probably a futile thought, but I feel in love with her the first time I saw her, and after dating her I just feel like we had a great connection.
I also just got to the final step (an interview) of entry to the college program I want to get into, and I think that has really brightened my mood
But yah even though its been 2+ months now I still have feelings for my ex whic probably isn’t a good thing…but I can’t help it
January 18, 2013 at 2:41 am #18584
Well my ex is leaving me alone now, but only because I had to get the cops involved because he showed up at my work and we got into an argument that ended in him hitting me.. I have no idea how he’s doing now, but I’m honestly so mad I don’t care. It’s been so much less stressful now. Martin, I’m stoked to hear about the college thing. Maybe you’ll find yourself a pretty girl next year. Best of luck!
January 19, 2013 at 7:19 am #18588
Woah MeMyselfandI!!! I am so sorry that happened to you! I am so sorry that he hit you, and I’m glad he’s leaving you alone now, because he definetly went to an inappropriate extreme. And thank you and yah hopefully I can find someone another time, but even waiting I hope my ex will calm down, and forgive me for everything. I will certainly not be doing anything like your ex did though!!
January 21, 2013 at 6:43 am #18595
Thanks for the support Martin. And yeah, hitting your ex in order to get them back doesn’t work, and isn’t advised. I hope that whatever happens, if you get back with your ex, or find someone else, that you’re happy.
January 22, 2013 at 3:59 am #18599
Haha yah don’t worry I’m not the kind to hit anyone, let alone a girl and thank you I really hope things work out with my ex, even though it may be wishful thinking and I hope that you find someone awesome too that loves you, and doesn’t even think about hitting you ever, because no one deserves that
January 22, 2013 at 4:04 am #18600
I’m glad to hear that you know not to take abuse, even from those you care about. I’m sorry to hear that you experienced such violence at the hands of your ex, but am very thankful that you know you deserve to be treated better than that. Know that you deserve love that never hurts.
Thanks for being such a strong advocate for healthy relationships Martin.
Sending you both best wishes,
the Support Team
- The forum ‘Relationships’ is closed to new topics and replies.