January 2, 2013 at 8:24 pm #16378OnemorestepMember
My life was great. I was so happy and set for the future. Until I started a relationship that took me to Alberta. We were stuck there with no money. He was an alcoholic and I went through 8months of verbal and emotional abuse(never physical) I dreamt and dreamt of when I could come home and have everything go back to normal. I finally got home broke up with him. That’s fine, not the problem. Found out my bestfriend (OF5YEARS) found a new bestfriend and is starting to take OxyContin. I’ve been replaced. My sisters boyfriend moved into my house because he had no where to go. I hate him. I hate his voice his face. He treats my sister like shit. None of that is the problem.
My life has completely been changed. It was absolutely perfect before. And now I have nothing. I hate my house I have no friends my ex bestfriend is off having amazing times with her new bestfriend
Everything for me is stopped. I spend most of my day laying in bed simply because I have nothing else to do.
I’m a happy person. I’m happy with my looks. I’m happy with my family. But there’s something inside me that just beats me down and all I see is negative.
It’s been 7months and all I feel is nothing. Hopeless. Left. Abandoned. I feel betrayed. I feel like my trust has been ripped from me.
I know all the steps to make myself feel better but I’m tired of putting on a fake face.
January 3, 2013 at 6:10 am #18547YouthspaceModerator
I get a sense you are absolutely devastated that, after months of dreaming of home, you have returned and found that so many things have changed for the worse. I would guess that the 8 months of verbal and emotional abuse were exhausting and soul-destroying enough, but now to add to it you’re stuck in a house that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin, and have no one left to turn to for support.
I can hear how hollow you feel now, without being able to enjoy things in your present or feel hope for your future. I imagine each day fills you with dread, and drags on forever. I’m really worried to think about how alone and hopeless you feel right now; I’m wondering whether suicide has been on your mind?
It sounds like you know some things you can try to feel better, but at the same time I can hear that they feel “fake” or like meaningless, trivial steps. Is there anything you’ve been able to do that gives you a genuine glimmer of relief?
Stay connected, Onemorestep, we’re here for you in your darkest moments.
the Support Team
January 3, 2013 at 9:01 am #18549OnemorestepMember
Thank you. thank you , thank you,
Even reading that takes away the weight on my shoulders. It feels so good to be understood. You got everything spot on, i have had thoughts of suicide making the pain go away, but I know that will absolutely never happen. It scares me knowing my thoughts could even get that far.
I feel like while I lay endlessly staring at the wall in my room that everything on the outside just forgot about me. I don’t know where I am in the world anymore. Mostly because I’m at the point where things stop being childish and become more adult. But the fact is, i feel like I was ripped away from my childhood and thrown back with nothing left.
I know deep down that this is just a small part of my life and the people won’t even matter in the next 30years. And I keep telling myself that.
I just can’t shake the feeling of being abandoned by my bestfriend. My life went from completely positive to negative.
January 6, 2013 at 2:31 am #18554YouthspaceModerator
I can hear the turmoil your heart is in right now. More than anything it seems like you are trying to understand the painful turn your life just took, and I’m so glad you have connected with us here.
I think it’s beautiful that you try to console yourself…knowing that this is just a minor setback in the grand scheme of life…yet right now this grief is all-consuming. Your whole world shifted at the loss of your bestfriend. And on top of that you are occupying this strange inbetween land between childhood and adulthood. Does anyone else know how you are feeling right now?
Sounds like you are really shocked and scared by way suicide presented itself as an option in your mind. Thank you for being honest with us about your intentions, I’m glad you are staying safe. I hope that if you ever DO feel the urge to act on these thoughts that you will call 911 or a crisis line (we can offer you resources if you want too).
How are you taking care of yourself in this challenging time Onemorestep? I’m really glad you are sharing your pain here with us. We’d love to Chat too if you’re around between 6 and 11pm.
Know that we are thinking of you
the Support Team
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