Hi Sparrow,

Thank you for posting on our forum and sharing your beautiful poetry with us.

I can hear some pretty heavy metaphors in your writing. I get the sense that such artistic expression has some really intense emotions and struggles behind it.

Please know that you are more than welcome to discuss whatever is going on for you here or in our chat, or you can continue to express yourself with poetry. We want to hear from you in any way you are comfortable.

With gratitude,

The Support Team

Hey Sparrow,
Thank you for sharing yourself here. I can really hear how meaningless life feels when you are working so hard to simply “survive from minute to minute”. I can only imagine how cold this loneliness makes your life. Like the people surrounding you cannot understand what happens inside the walls of your heart. Your words are raw with pain and isolation. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help Sparrow. You are truly a warrior.

Your recent turn to self-harm has you feeling completely unhinged, like some crazy force has taken over. I get the sense that substituting self-harm for certain eating rituals is not something that you want to continue doing. Are there other distractions or strategies that you see as being options in those moments when the urge to use your rituals grabs you?

You mentioned that “recovery” is not a good word to use since it feels so exhausting and lacks any sort of break. Can you think of any other words that would hold more truth for the feelings associated with your battle against this eating disorder?

I’m glad to hear you have one therapist who really gets you Sparrow. Know that we are here for you too.
The Support Team

Hi Sparrow,

Thanks for posting again — your words are so powerful and I get the sense that putting your thoughts and feelings out into the world is very cathartic for you.

I hear how much of a façade you have to put up every day — putting on a brave face and acting like you’re fine for those around you until you get home and can finally release the pent up hurricane of emotions within you. This process seems like it’s so unbearable, and I imagine that once you’re alone you’re totally unable to resist the terrifying flood of emotions that greets you when you open the door.

It sounds like you’ve desperately been trying to distract yourself from the pain by turning to things you enjoy like reading — but even things that are supposedly fun aren’t enough to draw your focus away from the hurt. Your drive to continue taking care of yourself is admirable — even if it doesn’t always work as intended.

Keep on searching for that strength within you,

The Support Team

Hey Sparrow,

I can hear how much you’ve lost faith in the healing process, and how frustrated you are that your efforts to overcome your eating disorder have yielded so much stress and darkness for you. I’m wondering whether you’re still self harming? I would guess you feel completely trapped at the centre of a tornado of awful feelings, and as much as you’d like to be able to walk away you suspect that a step in any direction will whoosh you right back up into the storm.

I imagine you’re sick as hell of the voices and dark thoughts following you around everywhere you go, not to mention sick of the meetings, medications, and other processes you drag through with a dwindling hope they will bring change. Seems like you are longing desperately for a break from the tiresome work you struggle through every day, and that thinking about suicide makes you wonder if it might be a viable escape. I get the sense that ultimately you hope for an end to your struggling, but not necessarily to your life, am I right? Tiring as it is, what is keeping you holding on right now?

Lean on us when the burden feels like more than you can bear, we’ll be sending you thoughts of strength and courage, Sparrow.

The Support Team