Forums Difficult Feelings and Emotions Lost and Numb

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    • #16477

      I don’t feel anything anymore. For a year now I’ve just felt numb to most things. My story is long, and I’ve shared pieces of it so many times now without finding any useful help that I can’t summon the energy to keep trying. The worst is that in not being able to find help – in my family, friends, or counsellors – I’ve admittedly become a bitter and negative person… which has resulted in me losing most of my friends. I can’t even figure out what I want to say right now. I just want a hug, to be heard, and to move on with life happily.

      I’ve never reached out to an online forum before. Sorry to be another email you have to respond to – though I’d like to thank you in advance. Any suggestions on how to just forget the past and live like a normal person – with hobbies and passions – would be greatly appreciated. I’m sick of being depressed. For 7 or 8 years, or more.. maybe less, I can’t remember, I’ve been told that I have PTSD, but without the P as a result of my living situation. Now, however I live on my own, and my life is changing, but sometimes I just fall apart under my crazy emotions. I want to be in charge of my life, rather than it in charge of mine.

    • #19209

      Hi zmp218, welcome to our forum and thank YOU for reaching out. Supporting people online is exactly what we’re here for, and you don’t ever have to apologize here for sharing what is weighing on your most.

      I get the sense you’re desperate for an end to the eternal numbness that has consumed you for years. It seems as though the bleakness of life has engulfed you completely, and that your friends have been pushed away by your bitter exterior even while the inner you yearns for their support. I imagine that while it’s a relief to be living on your own and away from the traumas of your past, it’s also scary to feel stuck on the roller coaster of emotions without anyone close by to stop the ride. When you think about giving up on trying to move on, is suicide something that comes into your thoughts?

      I admire your dedication to exploring new ways of coping, although I am guessing that dedication comes alongside epic frustration that you have already tried so many things and found them to be dead ends. It sounds like it’s been exhausting trying to gain enough control over your depression and PTSD to just feel close to ok, and although you are ready to move on your emotions seem stuck in the chaos of the past.

      I hear your curiosity about hobbies and passions that may distract you from your darkness…is there anything you’ve tried in the past that brings you even a tiny sliver of light? Or anything you’ve been thinking about trying, but aren’t sure about yet?

      For what it’s worth (and I know it’s not quite the same), I’m sending you a digital *hug*

      <3 youthspace

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