July 17, 2013 at 3:07 am #16416Square.Member
Hi, I’ve never used anything like this before, and I’m worried that my family/friends will find out…
I literally hate myself. I find myself worthless and disgusting. It’s like there’s this voice inside my head, judging everything I do. It makes me think that everyone else hates me too, so I’m slowly pushing people away without meaning to. I try to like myself, but I just see flaws and negativity. Please help me get back in control!
July 19, 2013 at 1:16 am #18830YouthspaceModerator
Hello Square, welcome to the youthspace forum,
Our services are all anonymous, as long as we don’t fear that you or someone else is in immediate danger. Hopefully that reassures you a bit about your family and friends? I can imagine that it feels like everything would just fall apart if they knew how you were feeling inside?
I’m sorry to hear that you find yourself so utterly unworthy. From what you say, it must be hard to do anything at all for yourself, since you feel like you are not worth any of it. That voice must wear you down incredibly, Square. Like every time you try to interact with people, there’s a narrative of disgust laid overtop of the whole experience, telling you that they can see the truth, and know how worthless you really are? I get the sense that even though you can tell that people don’t necessarily think poorly of you, your emotions don’t reflect that — you FEEL the judgement so strongly regardless of whether it’s there or not…
I wonder if it’s leaving you wondering what’s real and what your mind has created? I can hear how much confusion and stress is surrounding you right now. With all these feelings of worthlessness and being out of control, I wonder if you have had any thoughts of killing yourself?
It sounds like you really want to work for a way to feel okay about yourself. We can’t give you advice on how to do that, but we’re here to listen and support you as you work through it.
The support Team
July 19, 2013 at 2:34 am #18831Square.Member
It’s actually kind of comforting reading your reply, I haven’t told anyone about how I feel and it just kind of seems like you understand.
That’s exactly how I feel, even if there’s no judgement at all I feel like they hate me as much as I do.
A lot of the time I find myself questioning what I’d be doing and who I really am if I didn’t feel this way, and you’re right, it’s very confusing and stressful. I sometimes can’t tell the difference between my mind and reality, though not all the time. I’ve never thought of actually ending my life, or self harm.
I really am working hard on feeling good about myself. It’s good to know someone’s there to listen
July 20, 2013 at 2:53 am #18834YouthspaceModerator
It’s wonderful to hear that you’ve found some comfort in reaching out through our forum. I’m so relieved to hear that you’re not considering suicide or self-harm during this painful time.
I can hear how full your head must be of thoughts and trying to sort the real from the imagined. It’s as if you’re in a room full of mirrors and it’s difficult to know what is in front of you and what is just a reflection of something else.
We are always here to listen — both on our forum and through our live chat every night 6-11pm PST.
The Support Team
- The forum ‘Difficult Feelings and Emotions’ is closed to new topics and replies.