September 20, 2013 at 1:02 am #16424cfc93Member
For anyone struggling, please read. I won’t tell you my life story right now because that would take far to long but I will tell you that it IS possible to over come depression and having suicidal thoughts.
I have spent almost 5 years battling depression and anxiety and more recently suicidal thoughts. My lowest point was back in the spring of this year, where I spent many days contemplating on ending my life. This was the lowest point I had ever faced in my life and I was seriously scared for myself. I went to the hospital because I didn’t know what to do anymore and I realized that was never a place I ever wanted to be again. This realization didn’t ‘cure’ me or help me get better but it was a scary reality and I was determined to never end up there again. Well honestly, after that I feel like things didn’t get better and went downhill fast. I was to sick to work so I had no money, I was so stressed all the time and having no job was part of that, I hadn’t and haven’t graduated high school yet, I felt so alone and unhappy, it was just awful. I spent days in my room and in my bed crying and sleeping, I lost *weight. I was frail, shaky and weak and had no energy, I lost something very important in my life which didn’t help at all. I felt like I had become stranger to my own self. It was just really scary sitting around seriously thinking of killing myself and starting to make a plan. For someone who has lost someone to suicide * I never wanted to do it myself because of how much pain I saw it caused others and myself but even that didn’t start to matter anymore to me when I was so sick and at such a low point.
BUT I’m here and my life has changed dramatically from what it use to be. I’m not going to say it is perfect because it is far from it, I still don’t have a job and have gotten turned down at multiple job interviews which shatters my confidence a little bit, I haven’t graduated high school yet either but if I know I can and I will. I still have moments where I feel down and very stressed and hopeless, sometimes even over stupid stuff that shouldn’t make me feel that way but it happens. But I try to remind myself of the hell I was living back in the spring and that I lived through it and I am so much happier today then I have been in years. I know it sounds like I am rambling on and you’re probably waiting for me to get to the part about how I managed to get better but I don’t really have a straight answer for you because I don’t really know how it happened.
I mean I was pushed by my parents to start job hunting, like really pushed or there would be consequences so I guess that was the start of things going uphill, even if I didn’t get one. But I don’t know, things just got better and from being where I was before and getting through it I know its not impossible and it isn’t for anyone else. You can do it, you are perfectly capable, it won’t be easy but taking tiny steps to change your life in a positive way is what counts. And like I said, I still have bad days, really I do but I’m really happy I didn’t take my life. If I can go from lying in bed for a big majority of the day, everyday, for more then a year, to where I am now then I know anyone else struggling can do it too.
Because now I am very proud of myself to say I am finishing up with my adult grad and I have not felt this good about myself in so long. There are still days where getting out of bed to go to school is a pain in the butt, since I am not good at getting out of bed but I’m trying and that’s all that matters.
So I hope this helps someone out there, I don’t claim to be some sort of shrink or expert just because I have dealt with depression myself and getting through it but if I can help someone, even if its just one person from ending their life then I would feel so happy that I could help someone make the right choice.
Things get better, life gets better and those bumps in the road are just there to make you stronger. Remember why you have held on so long in the first place, look at how far you have come, you should be very proud of yourself<3
*Edited by the Support Team for identifying information
September 22, 2013 at 4:44 am #18858YouthspaceModerator
Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly with us and our users here at youthspace.
Sounds like you have struggled through a lot of pain in the past 5 years and have been able to get through the most scariest moments in your life. I can imagine that it felt like things were never going to change, and now you can happily say that they did.
I can hear how proud you are of your accomplishments, as you should be. You have come a long way in your journey. I can see how others would be inspired by your message. It does get better! Thanks for being living proof of that cfc93 and continue feeling good, you deserve it!
Here for the bad times and the good times,
the Support Team
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