November 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm #16370
I realize that my problem(s) could be put under a number of these sub-forums but because of how it started i think it is best put here.
About a year ago I started feeling down. Not sad like i couldn’t go out with friends but really down. It got worse and worse and one day i told one of my friends. She was really supportive but there wasn’t much a teen could do for me. As the weeks went by i became worse and eventually tried to kill myself several times in which said friend found me and stopped me. On the 31st of December i decided i had had enough and took measures to end my life*. I told my friend i was leaving and she called the police. I ended up in the hospital and when i got out i was a little embarrassed but i thought if i can handle killing myself then how is what other people think going to effect me?
Well i was always a shy kid and after all of that people started coming to talk to me, shrinks, therapists, nurses, police. They sent me to this place where i would go once a week for an hour to talk. The people there told me i had anxiety and that they would help me. It was hard for me to talk to them and during this time i was bullied very badly. I was told to kill myself next to every day and my other friends were becoming targets because of this.
During this mess a met someone who i thought was a nice person and someone who understood. I started telling her things and she told me stuff. We never told anyone and decided we would try to help each other out. We started hanging out a lot and eventually there were times when this friend asked to hang out alone. We would watch tv and play video games. But on day my other friend (i will call these girls friend 1 and friend 2) started using my accounts and devises to talk to friend 2. At first it was okay but it still didn’t feel right.
Friend 1 started harassing friend 2 and threatening her. I tried to stop friend 1 but i had troubles saying no and it didn’t work. One day something happened to friend 2 and she totally changed. She scared off friend 1 but started making up all these lies about me.
The one person in the world i thought i could trust turned into the one person i needed to get away from the most. Her lies started getting worse and worse and because i couldn’t speak up people started believing her. Her lies eventually got so big that because of them i ended up in a mentally hospital in which they told me, after keeping me for a week to calm things down, that i was fine and that they didn’t understand what was going on.
Friend 2 is now saying i stalk her and that I’ve threatened her and have asked her to kill herself with me. None of this has ever happened but no one will believe me when i say that. Friend 2 has recently been contact friend 1 and harassing her and i have no way of dealing with it.
I have no idea how to fix it.
Because of all of this i feel like giving up. As soon as i get home from school i read what has been going on online and i try to sleep it all away but it doesn’t work. I’m so tired of all this drama i just want everything to end. I need help here more then a want someone saying that it will be okay.
*edited by the Support Team for triggering content.
November 9, 2012 at 3:13 am #18480
I hear you desperately searching for answers to why everything feels so messed up… youve been coping (as best you can) but I get the sense its becoming more than you bear much longer. The pain of living with all the drama and torment makes suicide look like a real option.
Im really worried about you Liddell… it doesn’t sound like anyone in your life understands what youre going through Im wondering how strong your thoughts of suicide have been lately? What’s helping you hold onto life? Im glad you posted – youre not alone here
Im also glad youre still searching for help – that you havent given up yet. Youre still hoping things will change… but I also hear how tired youre getting of waiting. Im so frustrated by how youve been treated by the professionals who were supposed to be helping… I suspect those experiences (and people) make it even harder to ask for help again? Im wondering, you said you need help – what kind of help do you think you need? Maybe we can get you connected to real support… we’ll definitely try.
Stay strong Liddell, and please stay safe…
the Support Team
November 9, 2012 at 4:38 am #18481
Really any help would be great. If the professionals helped it would be great but it doesn’t seem like they can/will… I just want to be away from all of this drama and live a normal life. Everyone in my life hates me and they tell me that to my face. I want to go somewhere safe where I can’t hurt myself and neither can anyone else until somewhere safe long term is set up. But most of all I just want someone to listen and be there.friend two wanted me to kill myself on her birthday and that is coming soon. I don’t want to but everyone I know is telling me to do it what do I do
November 9, 2012 at 8:20 pm #18485
So glad you’re connected here… we don’t hate you The way you’re being treated by everyone else is truly hateful and cruel… Ill never understand why some people are so horrible – it’s not right or fair. And it’s certainly not your fault – not for a second. You deserve to be happy, and loved…
I’m not sure where you live… the availability of different types of support often depends on where you live, but a couple good places to start (which hopefully would lead to more supports) are a doctor and a local crisis line (phone or online). Crisis lines usually have a lot of information of different types of help that are out there, and a doctor can help with your thoughts of suicide. I’m not gonna lie and say its easy to get support – unfortunately, sometimes it can feel impossible, but there are a lot of different types of help available, and also a lot of people who want to help.
I’m Not sure if you’ve tried out our chat/text, but we’d love to connect there… and of course you can always continue posting here while you figure out how to get more supports in your life. We’re ‘hear’ for you, Liddell…
the Support Team
November 10, 2012 at 6:02 am #18487
I live in the lower main land. I recently talked to my shrink but he didn’t do anything. I just want to feel safe and loved. The only place i’ve felt safe lately was ironically in that mental ward. I want to stay there and get better then move far away. I’m done here.
November 13, 2012 at 7:10 am #18492
Thank you for staying connected to us here. I can hear how completely fed-up you are with your life in the lower main land, and how desperately you want an escape. It seems like you are standing alone in this battle, and I really admire your courage in reaching out to us and holding onto hope that people care. We really do care, and want to support you in coming to a place where you feel safe and loved.
I’m worried for your safety Liddell. I can see that suicide has been an option for you in the past, and that right now you are desperate to find a solution to the pain of your life. I’m wondering…when you say “I’m done here” are you thinking of ending your life?
I can hear that you want your life to change, but you don’t feel supported by your shrink. Sounds like the next step for you is finding a safe haven to support and protect you during your recovery process…is that right? I’m thinking that while your feelings towards the mental ward are conflicted, you felt safe there and are considering it as an option.
I’d love to help you locate some more resources, but I’m not sure exactly what kinda services you are looking for. If you chat or text in between 6-11pm PST we can talk more about what would be useful for you. Also, http://www.BC211.ca is an online list of services that might help you in your search.
the Support Team
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