well i am thinking i should of went but because he is a male i can not sit in a room alone with him i have been thinkinG it is part of this plan him and my social worker have to get me in the hospital

i was wanting to bring a female in anyone that is female so then i brought a friend with me and he said no. i did not get to see him now and all of my friends think i should go to the hospital because everything going on.. i expressed to someone i trusted most of the stuff going on in my head like for example everytime i walk down the street i feel like people are picking at my brain or going to hurt me and or i have to stop thinking because they can hear what i am thinking also i have been hearing people talk in there to and then i have been blacking out to

that is some of the thing that really needed to be said but it did not happen so i told a worker at a drop in center today and she said i need to see a doctor and then i told my foster mom and she said the same thing

so yeah i have no clue what to do or think anymore

grenouille

well here i am again i should really stop non stop posting sorry to be a bother but i must correct something to my last post and add stuff.

well first i shortly after i wrote that post i found out i had to drop out out school so no more school work for a bit

so i am extremely nervous to see the psychiatrist tomorrow i am not looking forward to it at all because i do not know what is going to happen i hope they do not change my medication again because they have been a lot lately

and then there is the fact i have absolutely no idea of the out come of the appointment i do not want them to ask about self harm at all because people either put you in the hospital or two ask well doesn’t it hurt and then i have to say only when i want it to i know that sounds messed up but it is the truth

then well i have to bring someone with me because people convince me to sign paper i would not sign it the right frame of mind. they= people always try and convince me out something or pick at my brain. the person that influence my decisions

i have to add that i am very sorry for the babbling and rambling about nothing that you are hearing

well i guess in all i am very nervous hopefully it goes good i guess i will find out tomorrow i really wonder how much the psychiatrist noes about me without me talking to the psychiatrist hmm that is now another question

well since it is on my mind this bad probably another sleepless night i am use to that so i should not complain but even on my sleepers i can not sleep if something is on my mind like that

well i will stop being a burden and stop babbling and rambling and i will see how it goes tomorrow

goodnight
grenouille

Well i have started hibernation only since Monday and it is deffinetly a lot better then being out of my apartment.

with everything going on i feel this was the best solution for me. i only have to deal with my self therefor a lot less stress for me

i am still having big debates in my head but yes it is a lot easier doing it on my own then being misunderstood. you are right i do not like the idea of treatment at all. i am so mentally tiered and in a lot of pain it is hard to fight these battle but i am managing i think

grenouille

hello this is different actually someone who understand and does not take me the wrong way

i have been self harming for along time now and i have tried things but nothing make me feel the same nothing i have tried does anything for me but make the self harm get worse witch is why is do not know what else to do because i do not have any other options only one person somewhat knows but she is wanting me to get help with the little she knows and says i need to go to treatment to deal with the underlined issues .

as for the suicide the thought of suicide are not recent it has been going on for a while

grenouille