Why do we always care and love those who probably don’t give a crap about us? I hate how I’m always thinking about others, even when I’m feeling like absolute crap. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life or whether I want to even continue on with it…

And counselors are pissing me off more. I tried to talk to one on this site, but they didn’t even get back to me. aha

I’m not trying to sound selfish or rude, but I’m really tired of thinking about how everyone feels and want to concentrate more on how terrible i feel on a daily basis. I’ve already come up with different ways I could kill myself, but I’m too weak to actually do it though. I find peace through self harm, and for once I opened up to my sisters and they called me out for being dramatic and how people may have it worse than me. which i completely agree with, but does that mean what i’m going through doesn’t matter? Do you know how shitty it is to have your own sister tell you to go kill yourself or to keep cutting because they don’t care whether you’re ok or not? Or how I would never want the same for them but people around be expect to be strong when they keep pulling me down with any chance they get. Or how school has become one big joke that I don’t get. And how my friends find me to depressing or ’emo’. I hate opening up to anyone because either they pity me or they accuse me of whats happening to myself.

I have decided to talk with two of my councilors at school because, things are getting worse and nobody knows that…

I just want to be happy again, to be able to smile, and be able to think about positive things in my life rather than mope around or secretly wishing I could die in some kind of accident or something so I don’t actually have to kill myself..