I’m really sorry I dodn’t reply quickly it’s just It’s a pretty difficult situation on the net frontier
At this point though I’m really going to need some help on things and I also really do need advice
I just need to get enough time to tell you guys the whole story so I’m sorry I always keep you waiting

I really don’t like how you changed what I said and how you changed it, I’d be much happier if you had just removed it. Anyways not you fault.
I got back with my boyfriend a little while ago and we’ve been doing really well we’ve been together 21 months or so
So here is everything that happened lately:
During January (23-ish) we went back to school after exams, my boyfriend showed up on the first day of that semester and then just stopped showing up, I kept hoping he’d show up but he didn’t and then one of our friends told me he had switched schools (My boyfriend had mentioned quite a while ago that his mother planned on moving further into town and he was going to maybe switch schools) and I then I messaged him over my friends Facebook messenger (I’m not allowed facebook or cellphones or going out into town because my parents are super strict) and asked what was going on and if he was switching schools and he said yes and I asked “Does this mean you’re breaking up with me?” and he basically said there’s no point in dating if we can’t see each other it’s too hard and painful and then after I was upset and I was crying while we were texting and he said “I feel you’re taking this personally and I’m thinking damn right I’m taking it personally you should’ve at least done this in person
The next day he stopped by at lunch to pick up his sweater and it was weird because we acted like we were still dating
We were both really depressed. Neither of us wanted to break up.
So months went by (about five-ish I think) And I’m about to completely give up on him because we were still friends but he wouldn’t talk to anyone and then one day he just shows up out of the blue and I was so happy.
We ended up making the decsion to stay together. **
It’s been pretty crazy lately lots of shit has gone down especially with my family I’ve got yelled at a few times last week
Two of my friends(?) ditched me one I don’t know why and the other because he loves me but I’m already taken and it was bad for us both so we stopped talking
And I’m not really sure if I’m doing the right thing but I feel like I am and I feel really calm. until I have another rage outburst that is.
It’s like I’m floating on top of a calm sunny sea and not really worring about the sharks I see below.

** Edited as per member request

Well I’m doing pretty good I’m moving along slowly but I’m still pretty confused with things. Me and the guy I like skipped gym class and went to the local museum together which was a nice change of pace for me not to mention quite a bit of fun.
Lot’s of people are implying I should be mad at my ex (Shit I fucking hate that word) but we’re still friends with each other.
I’m not doing the best in school mainly just Science though because I never do the homework or the class work.
I haven’t been sleeping properly lately, I think my mind is too active to sleep right now last night I remember dancing while still being semi asleep. I’m a bit tired and have been drinking energy drinks lately which is not the best thing because I couldn’t stop fidgeting in class so I went for a run.
I am also thinking I might be Bi-polar but I don’t know.
I’m still stressed out but anyways things are going pretty well and a little hectic which I am actually ok with!

Me and boyfriend broke up but it’s ok.
But now I feel so alone.

I’ve been coping by turning into a day dreaming vegetable.
I’ve been pretty angry lately, I’m stressed out and most my friends are either barely talking to me, hanging out with me, or b*tching at me.
Today I slapped my boyfriend which I felt really bad about so I apologized and he said it was ok but I’m still angry and I’ve been lashing out at my friends.
I’m being such a prick lately and all I can do is day dream and wish I could actually do something amazing and interesting with my life.
It’s f*cking pathetic.
Anyways hopefully I won’t be so furious in a couple of days.
The reason I self harm is because I can’t find anything to help “Ground” me I use it as a last resort when I feel out of control or really over whelmed.
It’s a stupid waste of my time though and I have better things to do or at least more useful things.

I’m really upset with my bf but that’s too confusing to explain my head is just seriously jumbled and messed up and I self-harmed 10-20 minutes before writing this but I patched my self up and they weren’t that serious*. I started crying because I really hate doing that to my self but I’m learning self control in the matter so that’s good.
My mind feels like some super busy waste land junk yard sometimes with my emotions just lying scattered around My past present and future are all majorly f*cking with my head and when ever I try to get my mind all sorted out it makes me feel super exhausted. My mood and emotions are currently going from out of control to just nothing but something which I guess means they’re there but they’re just strange and flat like. idk it’s hard to explain.

*Edited by the Support Team for triggering content

I’m not really actually scared just irritated angry and sad well I guess I’m kind of scared of fucking up or getting left behind.
I get really drastic mood changes sometimes From Insanely happy to seriously pissed to utterly hopeless and usually it’s like those emotions are turning in on me and beating me up that’s what it feels like I feel like my mind soul and emotions are all ingrown because I have such serious problems with telling people things without feeling like a complete loser and then my mind gets all confused and twisted up and its like all my thoughts and emotions are a big knot of writhing snakes fighting for… I don’t really know.
They get really confused if I start thinking about my past.
I’m also now afraid my bf is angry at me
anyways Idk There is just so much going on in my head and it’s like it’s trying get out of my head but it can’t and it is actually pretty exhausting…