Thank you for your courage to post so honestly here. I want you to know that the Support Team reads and responds to your entire original post but we have posted an edited version to omit details that may be triggering to our other posters.

I understand that the high school experience you’ve had so far is far different from the magical time that you’ve heard others describe it to be. It must feel terribly unjust to endure so much emotional turmoil when it seems that those around you are having the time of their lives.

I can hear how exhausted you feel trying to fight against the bullying and depression while feeling like no one understands your pain and thinks you’re being a “drama queen” when you’re really asking for them to hear you. It seems that you’ve put a lot of thought into how your death might affect those you care about and how they would react.
I imagine that you care deeply how these people feel towards you and how they would feel if you were to end your life. Is there anyone in your life who knows how sad and hopeless you’ve been feeling? Is there anyone you would feel comfortable to share these feelings with?

I’m certainly glad you took the risk to share your experience here

The Support Team

It sounds like you spend a lot of your energy caring about those around you without feeling like you’re receiving any of that energy or concern back from those people. I can imagine it must feel very vulnerable to open your heart to the world and for it to seem as though no one notices or cares.

I’m so sad to hear that your sister misunderstood your intentions when you shared your pain with her — your pain in this world is certainly valid, regardless of the circumstances of others who are also suffering. It’s like you’re standing in a crowded room yelling and no one seems to hear that you need some help.

I’m really sorry to hear you didn’t get a response when you reached out using another aspect of our service. If you were chatting in with us it may have been a high-volume night and I’d encourage you to try again. If you were using the e-counselling service they normally respond within 5 business days… if it’s been longer than that then please email [email protected] with the details of when you contacted the online counselor so we can ensure the service is working properly.

I’m glad you’ve decided to reach out to the counselors at your school. It’s really scary to see that you’ve been thinking so much about suicide these days without anyone knowing how serious things are for you. I hope you will continue to check in with us here and through our chat service (open 6-11 PST every night) so we can offer you support

The Support Team

It sounds like you’re drowning in frustration and agony, unnoticed by those around you. I hear how in your weariness and pain, it would be nice to have someone show that they care instead of telling you how small your feelings are and trying to sweep them under the rug. I can imagine that it leaves you feeling not only alone, but also hopeless about trusting people to be there for you…

I get the sense that you’ve been hurt by people a lot in the past, pandashaee. It sounds like you’re fed up with humans in general because of the many times you’ve been betrayed. It’s totally a difficult place to be, feeling like you want connection with people, but simultaneously feeling like there’s no point because it will just result in more anguish. The sadness of looking forward and seeing yourself constantly alone seems like it would be overwhelming, and it sounds like it’s part of the hopelessness that makes suicide an inviting escape.

It sounds like you are drawn to suicide as an escape from everything, but that you don’t think you’d be able to do it. I wonder if you would be able to reach out here or somewhere else if you found yourself really close to ending your own life?

Keep connected pandashaee, and we’ll do our best to hear all of what’s going on for you.

-The Support Team