Hello Nc86 and welcome to the Youthspace Forum,
Having to cope with such debilitating health concerns sounds like an incredible burden for you to have to bear. It seems like you’ve begun to lose hope that things can improve for you. I get the sense that coping with your physical illnesses can be overwhelming and leaves you feeling depressed and angry and with suicide on your mind. I can hear how desperate you are to find a way for your life to be less painful.
I’d guess that feeling so ill all the time would become very isolating. Particularly as the “healthy” people around you might struggle to understand what you’re going through. I get how hard it would be not to resent the people around you, when they don’t seem to be suffering the way you do. When we are in need of so much energy and care for ourselves, it can be very challenging to be generous and loving to others. I can only imagine how much strength and courage it takes for you to go through the day. What things in your life are helping you to keep going?
I hear you when you say you need somewhere/someone to help shoulder the burden for you. No one should have to deal with illness without support. I know this doesn’t even close to the care you need, but please know we are always here for you if you want to talk. If you need more immediate support, please feel free to chat in ( or text us) – we’re open 6pm-midnight PST every night.
You’re not alone in this. Keep in touch, we want to hear from you.