I can really hear the deep resentment that you have towards your feelings of isolation and emptiness. I get that these feelings have clung to you, taken you hostage and you’re totally at their mercy. I can hear that you really hate feeling this way, yet you are so weighed down, I’d imagine that feeling differently seems impossible at times. Can you remember a time when you felt happy, healthy and supported? What would feeling differently look like for you?
Seems like you feel betrayed by your friends when they aren’t there for you when you need them. I’m thinking that their neglect is extremely painful for you, especially when you’re always ready to support them, even at a cost to yourself. And, I can sense how exhausting it is to project a version of yourself that isn’t authentic. I’m wondering what sort of notice you want your friends to give you?
It sounds like feeling so intensely for so long has left you numb — which is almost preferable to the incredible pain that has plagued you for so long. I’m glad you keep connecting here.
Sending you strength and hope,
The Support Team