Hello Square, welcome to the youthspace forum,
Our services are all anonymous, as long as we don’t fear that you or someone else is in immediate danger. Hopefully that reassures you a bit about your family and friends? I can imagine that it feels like everything would just fall apart if they knew how you were feeling inside?
I’m sorry to hear that you find yourself so utterly unworthy. From what you say, it must be hard to do anything at all for yourself, since you feel like you are not worth any of it. That voice must wear you down incredibly, Square. Like every time you try to interact with people, there’s a narrative of disgust laid overtop of the whole experience, telling you that they can see the truth, and know how worthless you really are? I get the sense that even though you can tell that people don’t necessarily think poorly of you, your emotions don’t reflect that — you FEEL the judgement so strongly regardless of whether it’s there or not…
I wonder if it’s leaving you wondering what’s real and what your mind has created? I can hear how much confusion and stress is surrounding you right now. With all these feelings of worthlessness and being out of control, I wonder if you have had any thoughts of killing yourself?
It sounds like you really want to work for a way to feel okay about yourself. We can’t give you advice on how to do that, but we’re here to listen and support you as you work through it.
The support Team