Hey Martin Henrique,
Sounds like the past few days have been kind of up and down for you… congrats on your soccer game!
I can hear that the thoughts of your ex are still with you.. and that hanging out with all those couples really magnified her absence and made you worry and regret over lost opportunities with her. I’m glad to hear that you’re not planning ways to kill yourself, but i can definitely hear how much pain you are feeling, and how life is feeling pointless right now.. I’m glad you reached out to e-counselling and that you continue connecting with us.
I imagine that car ride with your mom was really disheartening Martin.. to feel like it was, if not good, at least okay, and then have her say something as dismissive and judgmental as that. I suspect it makes you feel even more isolated, hearing her judge your preference to stay home as something associated with people who ‘weren’t all there’.
Sounds like your sexuality and sex drive have really been at the forefront of your mind lately, and all these questions and what if’s are fluttering around in your mind like giant mosquitoes you can’t squash… i imagine that having these feelings of disgust at the idea of sex is feeling pretty alarming for you, especially because you feel that most guys your age don’t think that way… I get the sense that the idea that you may be gay or asexual is a fairly new one, and one you hadn’t really thought of.. like it just snuck up and rocked your whole world. One resource I can offer if you want is scarleteen.com. They’re a great website with TONS of information on sexuality, and they have forums you can post to as well and get some sexuality questions answered by people who really know their stuff.
That’s pretty amazing that you stood up for what you believe in and what you learnt in your Social Justice class, that takes a lot of bravery… I’m sorry your dad came back at you with a comment that made you feel hurt.. I suspect that with all the sexuality questioning going on, that his response made you feel less comfortable being open with him about it. I just want you to know that whoever you are, whoever you want and whoever you don’t want, is absolutely right and beautiful.
Stay strong, and stay connected
the Support Team