Hi Martin Henrique,
After reading your posts, I get the sense that things had been seeming lighter these days, and I can hear so much hope in your posts from the 31st… the realization that you’ve gotten through a breakup like this before, and therefore do have the strengths and skills to do it again must have been huge. Even though I know your life as definitely changed a bit since grade 8, I’m curious as to what helped you cope during that breakup?
At the same time as that lightness, it sounds like there’s also those days when things just seem to slide back downhill into that darkness. I imagine it’s exhausting to be going up and down like that… kind of like a roller coaster ride you can’t control or predict. I’m sensing too that the low points are even harder because of the frustration and disappointment of being back in that place… which makes those thoughts of suicide louder. It scares me to hear how loud they were last night… how are the thoughts of suicide tonight?
I’m sensing that some of those darkest times for you are when you feel isolated from those around you. I imagine that your thoughts are so much louder during those times and I can appreciate how draining it might be to feel like your brain just won’t shut up. :’( You say you want to be able to reach out to someone, but you don’t think you can trust anyone right now.. want do you think would need to happen for you to feel safe enough to open up to someone?
As a final note, I just wanted to tell you how inspired I am that you’re using your own experience and insight to support the girl in your school, and I’m so glad you offered youthspace as a resource for her. I’m just wondering if you know if she’s been able to talk to anyone specifically about suicide? I ask because at ys we really encourage people to ask directly if someone is thinking of suicide, because it can be such a terrifying experience to bring up when you’re already carrying around so much pain. I’m not in any way saying you have to — it can even be an adult or someone you trust that you could ask to bring it up with her — but I did want to ask because I’m worried about her too.
Stay strong… We’re ‘hear’ for you Martin Henrique,
The Support Team.