Forums Suicide and Self-Injury Craving an end

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    • #16459

      I am a very proud and independent person so looking up forums or sites like these is highly irregular for me. Mainly, I just wanted some insight on my habits – whether they are uncommon or widely shared – and thoughts. For six years now I have been craving some kind of something in my life to get better yet every time I start to feel happy, I drag myself down again with guilt and anger that this world is such a horrible place to live in – Syria, third world children so starved they more closely resemble skeletons than actual children – I don’t feel bad for myself though. I have a loving family, a job, food to eat, a place to live, so much more than most but all that I am blessed with just can’t seem to quiet the urge to free myself from this life. Recently, I changed where I self-harm* because it is less likely that someone will discover my tendencies. Also, and I find this rather odd about myself, when I read other peoples messages about how they struggle with not killing themselves, I feel myself become angered and ill willed toward them. They come off as weak and whiny which makes me the biggest hypocrite because here I am, whining and fishing for sympathy like some pathetic jerk. Yes I have my own issues but I deal with them alone, by myself, the way I always have. But I haven’t wanted to kill myself for six years because I can’t handle a little inner turmoil. I’ve wanted to kill myself for six years because I can’t handle this god forsaken planet. How can I be happy when there are so many who suffer. Anyone who can call themselves happy is really just ignorant and wearing a blindfold! I have opened my eyes to the world and seen it for what it really is. I guess I am just getting a little tired and want to know how crazy I sound. Who knows.

      *Edited by Support Team for triggering content

    • #19089

      Hey WellThen,

      I get the sense you’re very burdened by the immense suffering happening around the world every day, to the point that the comforts you have in your own life are always tainted by guilt. I imagine you find yourself questioning why you were chosen to have so much when there are others with so little, and that your ambitions towards a better life for yourself are roadblocked by your doubts that you deserve to have them.

      I can hear how important it is for you to be independent and to not impose upon anyone else with your own struggles. I would guess that being so independent can often also leave you very alone with your thoughts, and I’m glad you came here to get outside your own head a bit. We’re all about people making their own choices at Youthspace, and we’re not going to judge you or tell you what to do, I hope that will make you feel comfortable here knowing we won’t try to override your independence.

      Six years is a long time to struggle through thoughts of suicide, and I imagine it really pisses you off that others resort to suicide for reasons that seem so trivial in comparison to the big world issues that weigh on you. What keeps you going when things get particularly bleak? Where are your thoughts of suicide at right now?

      Know that we will continue to be here for you as you work through these thoughts.

      The Support Team

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