Forums Difficult Feelings and Emotions Don’t know what to do

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    • #16438

      So for the last year or so I haven’t been the happiest person. I never feel good about myself and I just want to escape my life. I’m suicidal, but at the same time I don’t want to die. There’s times where I can’t stop crying and all I can think about is killing myself but then other time I tell myself to suck it up and live with it. Its hard because I can’t seem to make up my mind and it’s really annoying. I’m anorexic, axiety and depression. I’m currently in foster care and I was neglected/abused as a child. I still see my parents once in a while. My foster mother needs everything to be perfect. I work hard in school, but it isn’t good enough. My sister always bugs me to, calling me ugly, worthless, ect. At first it didn’t really bug me but then she would go around telling everyone pathetic I was. She said it was because everything’s my fault. She blames me for us ending up in care because I wasn’t a good child. And it is my fault. It was me my parents abused and my sister just got dragged into the mess.

      My school life isn’t the best either. I don’t trust anyone because I’ve done that before and it didn’t go well. Nobody knows about all the stufff that goes on. And I’m scared when I turn 18. Because I’m out of the foster care system. My family aren’t the best people, most of my siblings are in gangs, one actually died and one’s in jail. And my parents are into alcohol and drugs. because I’ve kept in cotact with them when i was put in foster care they expect me to come back into their lifes when I’m 18. And I’m kinda scared. I use to self-harm, but then I realized it doesn’t do much so now I just use an elastic band. So yeah I don’t know whether to just kill myself or try out a new foster home.

    • #18943

      Hi Michelle2466,

      Thank you for having the courage to reach out and share your story on our forum. I can hear how overwhelming your situation is for you and how hard you’ve been fighting to stay alive. I want you to know that no one deserves to be abused or called names and that we are here to listen and support you through this difficult time.

      It seems as though you’re fighting an epic battle in your mind and on one hand you have the urge to end your life and your suffering but on the other hand you want to find a way to live, free from all of the hurt. I can hear that there is no one in your life you feel safe sharing your dark spaces with but I wonder if there are any other resources you might be able to access such as a local crisis line? We also offer a live chat service 6-11pm PST nightly (and until 12am PST Friday and Saturday nights) which offers one-on-one support.

      We want to help you find ways to stay safe and keep fighting Michelle 2466.

      <3 The Support Team

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