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Rio_Rion

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  • February 20, 2016 at 10:25 pm in reply to: Last Try #22676
    Rio_Rion
    Participant

    Nope, just you guys. It’s been hard to message you guys on the online chat because of the different time zones. I’ve been taking my meds regularly to help calm me down, but that’s the only action I’ve been taking for myself. I do have other support and resources, but I just don’t reach out to them, I don’t know why. I guess I’m scared of what they’re going to say, I’ve been doing so well and now I’ve relasped.

    I don’t know I’ve been acquiring very nasty habits, when bored just eating. And eating everything in general. I’m not hungry or anything I just need to do something with myself. I have been ignoring my studies, and avoiding people. I just don’t want to try to anymore because I feel like it won’t make any sense at the end. I’m ready to accept my failure at life and having no one really there for me other than the people I might meet throughout the time and path of my no good life. I just really don’t know what to do everyday and year is like I get worse and I don’t know why. I don’t want to be this way, and my mental state is too corrupted now to pretend and ignore what I’m going through like before.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Youthspace.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Rio_Rion.
    February 17, 2016 at 9:35 pm in reply to: Last Try #22670
    Rio_Rion
    Participant

    It’s been three days now, and I hadn’t left to go to school for any of them. I have nothing that’s keeping me from going other than the fact that I just don’t want to go, and I’m comfortable staying in my bed, at home, in the dark sleeping and thinking the days away. I don’t know what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?

    November 12, 2015 at 5:09 pm in reply to: Last Try #22577
    Rio_Rion
    Participant

    Did you guys not hear what happened?
    Some one called the police after reading the first post that I wrote from all the way in Vancouver, and the cops appeared in front of my door at night wanting to take me to the hospital where I was involuntary emitted into the hospital for two weeks. No, I don’t feel better but I don’t feel sad either. I have a huge patch in my life including school from if I miss a day from class, I miss everything. There’s huge tension in my house and not a lot of people would know where I’ve been unless I have told them. So I’m overwhelmed, more confused about my identity, and every last fiber of passion I have has left me. So this will be the last try for me, I am going to horribly adapt to me surroundings, my major depression, my PTTSD and my anxiety the best I can cause I realized nothing can help, and that only I can make myself better. With or without a forced smile, “I just have to do me.”
    But thanks though for listening to me and stuff. At least you tried

    October 26, 2015 at 11:55 pm in reply to: Last Try #22569
    Rio_Rion
    Participant

    No. I currently have no one who is aware of the situation or that can really help me right now. I don’t want them to be aware that I’m struggling at the moment. I’m tired of always depending on them and stuff. I usually feel like a burden for them cause I’m usually the one that helps them keep their life together. Or they usually don’t care to know to listen to me. I don’t know. I feel like anyone who is higher authority over me tends to show a fake care towards me, and I don’t like that feeling of being seen as a very weird kid, an outcast, something that’s very hard for me to explain.

    I don’t think support can help me. I think I’m too far gone now for support to do anything to help me out. I’m just waiting for the uneventful day I finally might get peace, and stop hurting for once.

    When this year started I knew that something was going to happen, something really bad. I didn’t know what it was, and I was really uncertain of it. When the school year started, this feeling hit me full force, and I knew what it was or what was going to take place for me. I was finally going to peak in to my insanity or I was going to die. Given a few circumstances you can say that both have and are going to happen.

    Everyday it has been getting worse since September, my emotions would go to the max and stay there, the only thing I could do is push it aside and get back to the most important thing at the moment, like school, homework and surviving my life.

    I don’t have a lot of connection to the month October other than that it’s my favorite month. The dates are the same way, other then the fact that in the middle of this week there is going to be a full moon…***

    This week, is my final week. I have planned to die on these certain dates, but given anything I will commit on any day during this week.

    ***

    ***edited by support team for potentially triggering content.

    October 21, 2015 at 5:36 pm in reply to: Last Try #22558
    Rio_Rion
    Participant

    I am frighteningly serious about my demise, it scares me on how dark I am now. I have this attuide where I don’t care what I do anymore because i always think ‘I’ll be dead in a few days tops.’
    I have every crisis hotline saved on my phone, in case I really couldn’t go through with it, and have someone talk me through my feelings, and stuff.
    I don’t really know how to help myself anymore, or what can be useful to me. I don’t find a lot of things to work for me.

    October 19, 2015 at 6:59 pm in reply to: Last Try #22551
    Rio_Rion
    Participant

    Point blank, yes I have thought about suicide. I have been planning for three weeks now and I will do it on the last week of October either on the 26 or around the 30th and 31st. I’m scared but also tired with the way I’ve been feeling and I don’t know anywhere else I can receive help. I feel like I am in a corner trying to pathetically save myself from the monsters in front of me. Maybe I am entering the brink of insanity but I want it to go away so bad.
    I have tried every resource I have but it seems that they have strangely disappeared or they have restrictions on how many people can post for a day or something, and it is an absolute nightmare trying to make time for scheduled times on when people are available. And I am not quite ready to go in the hospital to receive help any time soon.
    I am not even quite sure this would help me

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