Thank you so much for both trying to help me through these hard times.
Sadly, you aren’t the only person asking me who I can call if I need help, what I can do to get that help.

I thought about it a few times, and there ain’t anyone I can call or talk to someone. I feel all alone in this *

“Forgive and Forget”, that’s what I keep repeating to myself. Everyone will end up forgetting me, even if I don’t succeed with this plan. So why should I give up now? Poeple do love me, and they are there to help me, but I feel like my time is soon. *

*Edited by the Support Team for triggering content

Hey there Support Team,

Truth is, at this point nothing is helping me keep this anxiety at a controlable level. Poeple keep telling me how badly I make their loved ones, and their lives, miserable. It makes me feel as if no one wants me here, and it makes me feel even more miserable than how I really am. I’ve been trying to stay strong for the last week, and I just cracked. Two days ago I restarted self-harming*, and I had been able to almost stay two weeks clean. I just couldn’t take the pain of being told what to do, of being told to break up with my boyfriend because I was ruining his family relationship. But I know I’m not doing so. It’s just hard to take it out of my head at his point. I don’t really know what to do anymore.
I do have to admit something though…. I am really scared. I am scared that I might lose control over harming* myself because I had made such a big effort on not to do so. Truthfully, I can’t stand living like this. I’m hiding my true feelings to my beau because I don’t want him to be worried about me. But he has reasons to be worried, I just can’t control these suicidal scenarios in my head. They take over all the space that I have. They take over my mind, what I think and what I do. They make me feel horrible, sad and really, but really suicidal.
At this, all of what I’m asking is to be saved.
Because at this moment I’m feeling as if I was a danger to myself.
At this point, everyone smile that I have, every laughter that I have, it’s forced upon my face at some times. I am still able to smile and laugh, but I just end up crying myself to sleep but it feels as if it weren’t me.
All I want is for these scrams in my head to just let me be. To just let me live my own little life.

**

Sophie.

*Edited by The Support Team
**Content removed by The Support Team

Hey there,

I do feel comfortable talking to my beau about these screams, he knows how bad they are getting and he is so scared to lose me.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t take these screams. I scare myself. They are forcing me to think and do things that I thought I would never do.

I kneed some help.
Actually, No. I don’t want any help. I just want people to understand how badly I am suffering and how I just want to whipe my tears for good. I don’t want to keep them, like I don’t want to keep this fake smile**. I just want to end evreything. Get everything done. And I fear that this day is soon and that I won’t be able to stop me.

I really don’t know what to do anymore.
Last time I Chatted in, I was on the edge to do something that maybe I would eventually regret one day.
But I actually just regret not doing anything.
I actually regret being still damn alive.

XX

**Edited by the Support Team for triggering content

I have no clue what to say….

Thank you for your message, it actually did warm my heart.

But I just can’t stand these screams in my head that keep on pushing me to urges that I thought never existed.

You wan’t to know something? I actually give up: i can’t take it anymore.

Xx

Hey there.

I had the chance to explore the counselling. I am writing to one and it’s kinda helping but at the same time, it ain’t doing anything. Sadly, my thoughts are clear at this moment and I just want to end my life. I’m sorry to sound so casual about this, but if you’d ask me what my plan is, i”d have an answer for you right away. I guess the reason why im kinda still fighting its because i just haven’t found the right moment to put this “plan” in action.

*** Edited by the Support Team for triggering content

The edge is so near, Support Team. It’s a scary thing.
It’s keeping me awake at night, keeping me wondering if I’m able to keep myself safe. And most of the time, I know I can’t.

I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s taken me alot of courage just to seek help and that help isn’t helping me at all. It’s doing me no good. And here I am, scared of my own self. Scared that I might end up killing myself each day. Scared and sad that the people around me don’t understand that I need urgent help.

I keep on crying, wishing and telling myseld that everything will be all right. But that’s a lie. I gotta stop telling lies. One day, no one will end up believing me…. and they still don’t.

Thank you for everything you’ve done, but you can’t help me. I’m a lost cause. I’m just a teenanger who doesn’t see here place in life, who keep on writting suicide letters day after day, wondering if it might be her last day to breathe. It’s a stressful thing, and I hate being stressed.*

*Edited by the Support Team to remove triggering content

I do come to you online. I just come to you as Anonymous, and not other my account. Why you may ask? Because I am really scared that someone might end up judging me. And I don’t want to be judge. But it feels as if I’ve been judge all day, and all week, and I just feel so scared all the time.

I need to point out the thruth. Ive tried to kill myseld this week. Every morning I’ve been going to school, but last Wednesday, I went to school, went to the metro, and just thought of killing myself. I just looked at those rails, and just wanted to jump, but I the fact that the police was around scared me alot. Now I have no clue how to feel about it. I just feel mostly scared. Scared that every day could be my last day. And I know that maybe tomorrow, or in the days to come, I will end up killing myself. But right now, I this exact moment, I keep SI, and I can’t take it anymore. It’s making me go crazy. I have no clue how some people can handle this, but I can’t.

I guess what I’m seeking is some help, someone to save me. Because sadly, I can’t keep on going strong with these feelings in me. I know you hear me, and I know you understand me. But nobody truly cares if I do die or not. Everyone doesn’t care if I’m suicidal….the important thing for them is that I am not depressive…. that I’m just…. me….

Well I’m not me.

And I’m hurting.

And I’m crying.

And damn I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore…. I’m so confused. And that’s a dangerous thing.

I guess what scares me the most os that everyday is a new challenge for me. Every day i have to go through a pile of emotions and i have no clue what to do with all of these emotions. The world around me is a scary place and I even have this suicide note somewhere in my things that I really don’t want to use but that at the same time, I dont know if I can keep it locked up…what can I do?’