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Sophiecdxx
ParticipantI guess it depends of the moment. When I’m feeling really down and really suicidal, like I could end things right away, I need emergency help, like the police, because I know I could end up hurting myself badly.
But at this moment, I don’t know what could help me… Maybe knowing that I still have the chance to breathe some liberty could help. I’m feeling really watched by everyone, and I’m wondering if I’ll be able to stay here and be watched or decide to runaway…
ParticipantI’m struggling with the fears of all the things my dad is making me suffer through. I dont know how people in the same situation get through this, but I know that it’s gonna be impossible for me to smile all day and think that these kind of things are normal. In a way they are: violence has been a part of my life since I can remember and still today I struggle to have that part of my terminated, to have that part of my life back by bringing justice. Ive been told that no one deserves to be abused. Are you sure? Because sometimes it seems as if it just comes to me..i never asked for it. It just happens. And it’s a really scary thing.
I came on to chat a few times. You were all helpful, in many mays, gave me great solutions to keep myself safe. * I have tried so hard to just put those dark emotions in a box, lock them up, and hide them. Change my mind by doing things that I like. It hasn’t been working out. At all. And now I’ve just been counting the days as if they were my last ones. I’ve just been counting the days until I have the courage to stand up, say it’s enough, walk into a police station and tell everything thats has happened in the last few years: how scared I am not only for me, but also for my little brother. I just want to keep him safe.
I’m really scared for myself. I’m losing contrôl. I’ve called my crisis line without knowing what to say to them. What can I say? The whole truth? It hurts so much that just saying a single part of it is like taking away something away that has been a part of my life for so long. * Xx
* Edited by The Support Team
ParticipantIt’s been a constant battle. Each day I have to go through the day, scared of everyone that’s around. Why? Because my father * abusses me, and I have this friend who * abused me. I don’t trust anyone. Not even the people that are trying to help me. I’m scared of them… and it’s as if I want to take control of my life agaib, but I’m so scared to do so… So scared that my parents would want to harm* me for trying to solve things that are going on in our family… I can’t stand living with all of these fears anymore. And sometimes, I can feel that the end of the rope is nearer, thats I’m at the end right now. I even started writing a suicide letter. Do you know how scary that is? Writing down your emotions, your fears, your tears, on a simple piece of paper? Ive been down this dark road before, but this time, it’s really harder to get out of it, and I feel like I won’t be able to find the light, but only be able to be consumed by how dark these thoughts are.
I need help. * I’m losing control on myself. I’m scared to tell the truth to anyone thats around me about the abuse Ive been living. I’m scared.
*Edited by the Support Team
ParticipantI guess that what scares me the most, is that I don’t have a safety plan for when I’m alone, or that I’m sleeping. I had my cell phone, just in case I had a panic attack, but they took it away from me… so now I’m really alone with all of these empotions, and it really scares me. I never felt this way before. The fact that I know that I’m living on the edge, that the simplest thing around me can be so scary to me, the fact that nothing seems to be the same anymore…. it’s really frightening.
I’m scared that I could go out today, and seriosuly harm myself. I’m scared that I could head to school next week, and just decide to end everything there. It’s sad to be able to think something like this…. to even be able to put my thoughts in action.
Right now, at this moment of the day, I’m not feeling safe. Truth is, I never am. And it’s seriously not pleasant. I could hide myself somwhere, lock myself in a room… and jsut stay there doing whatever I can to harm myself. The thoughts are making me cry, and I have no clue what to do.
How can you support me in staying safe? How can I even know how to stay safe with all of the emotions just sitting in me and watching me destroy myself?
ParticipantI ended up calling a crisis line last night and we talked for an hour. We tried to find solutions, but we weren’t able to do so. I was in total panic, and I didn’t have control over my emotions, fears, tears. I was almost crying over the phone to someone I didn’t know. She ended up feeling that I wasn’t safe, that I could put myself in danger, and she sent me the police for help. But when they arrived, I wasn’t in panic anymore, but they saw I needed help, so they brought be to the hospital. But now, they don’t want me to call me if I ain’t in danger, or that it isn’t an emergency. I mean, how am I suppose to know that my life isn’t im danger when I’m always feeling out of control and scared?
ParticipantBut I’m not able to call those people, I’m not able to talk to them. I don’t know them that well. I just can’t talk about my emotions that easily. But right now, at this exact moment * I am not feeling safe. I could run in the streets *, if I had the guts to do so. I could run away, hide, SI* just to end everything. * I’m alone, feeling alone, sad and depressed, as if there was nothing left for me to do, as if there was no other solution. I know I’m not safe. I know I can’t take carr of myself at this moment, that I might suicide*. I know I will end up hurting myself badly. Please help me. *
*Edited by The Support Team
ParticipantI just feel as if there’s nothing left for me to try, as if I was at a breaking point. Even this morning I thought I was going crazy. I was in the metro at there was the police, aswell as the metro security, and I just wanted to go to them and tell them that I’m seriously thinking about ending my life, that even at this exact moment, the thought of suicide is very powerful and that I’m scared that I could end up hurting myself by the end of the day. I hve this feeling that today could end badly, and I just don’t want that. I know I could end up out of control. I just don’t feel safe anymore.
ParticipantThank you so much Terezi… but sadly, at this point I lost all faith into reading, writing and even drawing…it’s as if thre was nothing left
ParticipantIve chatted in a few times, and it has been helping me through some of these rough emotions. It’s just that right I feel as if I can’t control anything that’s around me and that’s a pretty scary thing. I don’t know what’s real or what’s just emotional anymore… everything is just so confuse. And everyday, I’m scared that I might try and hurt myself, or even kill myself. And that’s a pain.
ParticipantI know I don’t deserve to suffer this way…. but everything seems just so impossible. At this point, I don’t even know what to believe in anymore. I need help, I want to reach out and call 911, but it just seems impossible for me to do so. As if I didn’t have any courage or strength left to call them, to say to them that I’m harming myself at this exact moment. And it scares me that I might be able to go too far. I have no clue what I’m in control of anymore
ParticipantTo tell you the truth, nothing is keeping me alive. I’m dying slowly. And it hurts so so much. I just have this constant need to hurt myself. Everyday, the thought of suicide gets even stronger. And every time I reach out to my local crisis line, they never seem to understand that I have a plan to kill myself. It’s as if they dont want to help or they dont want to send help. I’m left on my own on this roller coster and I’m coming to a crashing point. Please help me.
ParticipantI’m scared that one day, I might be able to kill myself, and that that day is really soon.
ParticipantEverything just has been a roller coster lately. And I don’t feel like i can hold on to life anymore. I’m already imaginating a new way to end my life, and it’s pretty scary. I keep on dreaming that someone, or even me, is killing me…and thats really scary. It doesnt make sense that somebody should dream about that.
I’m scared that I could harm myself so badly. I’m scared that I wouldn’t be able to control my thoughts and my feelings. Everything scares me. Everything around me doesnt seem real anymore. Everyone doesn’t seem real. The world doesn’t seem real. I think I need help.
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