Hey! It’s me again! Haven’t logged in in a while. I guess I was doing better for a while now. But things have gone downhill so fast and I’m just stuck. I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I have no support around me and although i try to reach out to people I just get shut down or laughed out and it just brings me down so much.

I’ve never felt a low like this in a while. Any ways in coping with this?

Hey there youthspace.

WOW. It has been long since I last opened this page and wrote a few words down. I guess I was doing a bit better. But I’ve realized lately that I’m not doing okay. I’m scared of my own self. Unhappy of who I am. You know how they say when 11:11 pops on make a wish. You know what wish I always make?: I want to die. And I find it so so sad. I realized that no one around me sees my pain, so they just keep on making everything so hard, so painful. I’m getting tired of being this person that I’m not. Of being someone that my parents want me to be because they can’t accept that I’m suffering. I have no clue how to tell them that I’m living in a dark world, that every single time I see a pool I just want to drown myself. I’m so angry inside. So sad at the same time. It’s painful. It’s upsetting. To fall asleep at night crying, I hate it. To not even be able to sleep because you have so many dark thoughts in your head, yeah it’s super painful.

I last chatted in and wrote to you guys in February, and I was in a dark place. I thought things got better but they just got darker. Here I am, alone, wondering how the hell I can be useful, because I full useless. I’m 19, I shouldn’t feel this way. I should’t think of dying every single moment of day.

I need someone to talk to. Someone to understand. And I thought of you guys.
I need some ways to cope, because I want to hold on. I don’t want to crumble into pieces like I have in the past. I do smile, I am sometimes happy. I just want it to always be this way. Do you get me ?

Hi youthspace,

I feel as if y’all are the only people I can talk to right now.
It’s horrible to even feel how I feel right now: dark, alone, sad, helpless. Truth is, I wonder how people are able to deal with me, since apparently i make their life miserable. … that’s what my parents say. And even though i just don’t want to believe them, it’s just stronger than me. It’s hurts to even hear those words come out of their mouth. My father thinks that I just want to make him mad, that I just want to hurt him, but he’s the one hurting me, and he’s the one that’s making me suffer. My mom isn’t even trying to control his temper and I just can’t stand being near them anymore. Trough out my life I’ve only been trying to make them happy, and they never thank me. They just expect me to do things their way, right away, and don’t really think about how I feel in all of this.

I’ve tumbling down in this dark tunnel, unable to climb out. I’ve been going through my old habits: self-harming, bulimia, starving myself. I’m putting the pain that I feel inside, on myself. I want them to realize that I am suffering because, sadly, telling them isn’t working out. They don’t listen to me. It’s as if they don’t care. I could possibly end my life and I have no clue how they might react: cry, laugh, or just no reaction at all.

I want to get out of this, but I don’t know how anymore. I’m just comfortable in harming myself. It’s become my home, and I’m scared that it might end up taking control over me.

Thank you so much for all the support that you have been giving me. It is truly amazing to have people who understand me, and who actually want to take the time to help me through these things, these emotions.

At this moment, I dont know what to do. I am torn between some suicidal thoughts. Deep ones actually. And although I dont have a plan to end my own life, I just feel like it’s the only solution possible at this moment.

I feel as if no one around me cares. I feel as if I am a puppet in their own game, and that they are just controlling me in which ever way they want. I feel as if I have no life, no purpose to continue on going, on moving forward, since clearly, since I was a child, I havent been able to control my own life. I dont even know where I stand at the moment. And it’s a scary things.

Truth is: everything around me scares me. My dad is being so abused, not physically, although I am scared that he might try to hit me, but emotionally. I keep on watching him destroy my mother, and I can’t do anything to help her. She is so depressive, so so sad, and so much happier when he isn’t around. I think everyone is.
I am scared of my own self. Scared of these voices that I hear in my head. Scared of that little voice that’s been with me for so so so long. I dont even know what it is, what it wants from me. But i am so so scared. I can’t seem to be able to find peace with myself anymore, and everything just seems to stress me out so badly!
I am scared that my physical pain may be caused by something serious. I’ve been sick for months now, and my parents just dont care. They think that I am manipulating them, but the pain has gotten worse ever since. I can’t see to live a normal life with it, and I am scared that it will eventually kill me.

What can I do with all of this?

Sophie

Hey there Youthspace,

I dont know what to do anymore. Another week that started horribly. Another week that I just dont want to watch anymore.

I just feel as if things aren’t working lately, and I just need advice on how to deal with all of these emotions. can you help me?

Dear Youthspace,

Truth is, I’m started to get scared of everything all over again. I don’t feel like a part of my family, and I don’t feel any connection with the world around me, my friends, or even my teachers. I dont know if I can keep living in this family situation that is not only making me miserable, but that it’s also killing every relationship that I can have with my parents. It really hurts me, makes me cry every night, brings tears to my eyes when everyone talks about their happy family, and just makes me want to self harm so badly.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi Youthspace,

Sometimes I wonder if people truly understand the pain that i am going through. There are those who just brush it off, there are those who just pretend to be concerned, and there are also those who are truly concerned. It’s just hard to believe that anyone would actually be interested in my own safety, when I dont even know where I stand in this world.

Life is just so complicated, and scary, and I just can’t take it.

oh wow! It has been a long while since I posted something here… So… Hi everyone!

*It’s my birthday on the 31st and that means: going back into my family, going back with an abusive father, and going back to this life that I don’t even want. I am not happy with my family, and never will be. Sadly, they tell me that I make their life miserable, and I am starting to believe that lie. My little brother is tired of living at home, and he just wants to walk out of the house, he’s only fourteen!

At this moment, I thought that I was stronger than this, that this voice inside of me had fallen asleep, but no, it hasn’t. I’m alone, alone, alone, alone. With no one to help me. The voices are coming back, and I’ve made promises not to harm myself because of them, but I fear that I can’t keep those promises as long as I Iive in this messed up family. I fear that i might not be able to continue on.

*Edited for identifying information by Youthspace