Hi dj,

Welcome and thank you for posting so honestly on our Forum. I can really hear the loneliness, pain and frustration you are experiencing from seeing your friends in happy relationships while you are stuck feeling unattractive and unworthy. I get the sense that it leaves you questioning if you are deserving to be cared for and loved because you are currently alone?

I can imagine how difficult it must be to feel more positively about who you are when you want nothing more than to be with someone who truly gets you and makes you feel special and for some reason, that special someone has not appeared in your life yet. Seems like you think that if you had a good looking boy to date, you would believe your friends when they say that you are pretty.

I am wondering if there is anything that you can think of that you can do to make yourself feel that you are special, pretty and worth it, something that doesn’t require others? You deserve to feel that way with or without someone dj.

Please know that we are here for you through your struggles.

The Support Team

Hey Sparrow,
Thank you for sharing yourself here. I can really hear how meaningless life feels when you are working so hard to simply “survive from minute to minute”. I can only imagine how cold this loneliness makes your life. Like the people surrounding you cannot understand what happens inside the walls of your heart. Your words are raw with pain and isolation. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help Sparrow. You are truly a warrior.

Your recent turn to self-harm has you feeling completely unhinged, like some crazy force has taken over. I get the sense that substituting self-harm for certain eating rituals is not something that you want to continue doing. Are there other distractions or strategies that you see as being options in those moments when the urge to use your rituals grabs you?

You mentioned that “recovery” is not a good word to use since it feels so exhausting and lacks any sort of break. Can you think of any other words that would hold more truth for the feelings associated with your battle against this eating disorder?

I’m glad to hear you have one therapist who really gets you Sparrow. Know that we are here for you too.
The Support Team

Hey Bri,

I can really hear how hurt you still feel by your parents’ reaction to your suicidal thoughts. I can imagine you had a scenario in your mind of how it would go and were really disappointed when they reacted as they did, and more so to see that it didn’t change much, at least not how you hoped. Sounds like you long for a particular style of support that they are unaware of .

Congrats on the auditions! I’m glad that you were allowed to go and that it lifted your spirits for the time being. I’m really sorry to hear about your lap top being taken away, it seems like it is another important tool for coping. Have you thought of what other ways you will be able to fight the urge if the lap top is unavailable? Seems that writing helps a little, it would be unfortunate for you to stop. Maybe you can think of alternative to writing online?

Our fingers are also crossed for you and our hearts always open.

The Support Team

Hi Bri…it’s been a rough time, hey?

You might not feel as though it was, but I think that it was hugely brave of you to tell your parents how you were feeling. It sucks that they don’t really seem to know how to help. It must have been awful to go out on a limb, and then find that their response was to think about taking away one of the things that has been helping you cope. That’s not good.

It’s scary to hear that on Tuesday you were left alone, and had to sit by yourself with the feelings and thoughts that were making you want to end your life. It really illustrates for me what you mean when you say that you regret telling your parents. Knowing that you are feeling suicidal, you must have been hoping that your mom would show concern by not leaving you alone. When she didn’t, you must have felt deserted and saddened, which can’t have helped at all…

At this point, hiding behind the mask again must seem like a defense against things like that that just add to the pain…something you can’t afford if you’re already struggling to find reasons to keep living. I get that. I’m curious…..what kind of support do you think you would have liked from your parents?

And how do you think you might be able to cope until the next show starts? Are you still able to try the other chat services if things feel really unbearable in the moment?

Feel free to talk it out here as much as you need to.
-The Support Team

Hey Shuro,

I get the sense you’re feeling very betrayed by your boyfriend asking you for a break in your relationship after you already made the sacrifice for him to terminate your pregnancy. I would guess that you’re still reeling from the stress the abortion put you through, and to be left alone in this time is so hurtful for you. Is there anything you’ve been able to do for yourself that helps you cope with all you’ve been through recently?

It sounds like you’re very skeptical that this break will help your relationship, and infuriated that he would think time apart is more helpful than time together. It seems to me that you’re angry with him for distancing himself and robbing you of the chance to work things out a team. I imagine it’s scary for you to feel him pull away in this difficult time, and to wonder if he might give up on you completely. I imagine he’s been an important component to your supports these past six years…do you have anyone else you can turn to for support during this break?

We’re glad you came here to talk about it.

The Support Team

Welcome to youthspace, Heidi09! You have quite a story…thank you for sharing it with us here.

I get the sense that it feels like you’ve been on a wild ride for a long time, tossed about by forces that threatened to overwhelm you. You say that you’ve been to “hell and back”, and I can hear in your words both how agonizing the hell of addiction was at points, and how gratifying it is to have been able to come back from it with the help of the treatment centre. I can hear that it’s still a challenge for you, and I imagine that being away from the people who surrounded you while you were in treatment (your new “family”) is part of the challenge… you must miss them; are you able to keep in touch with those who helped you as you continue with your recovery outside of treatment?

I believe you when you say that every day of being clean and sober is difficult to manage, so please believe me when I say that I think you show a lot of strength and courage in having made it this far. Know that we’re here to support you if you want to talk as you keep walking this path… we’re here for you on the good days and the bad.

-The Support Team

Oh Dan, we just got your message now about your grandfather’s wife, I’m so sorry to hear that I imagine death is very much on your mind these days with someone so close to you facing it so soon.

We think you are doing a tremendous, amazing, admirable job wading through the challenges that life has thrown at you, and we are so, so glad that you do keep going even when it feels like a fight you can’t win.

Hey charmaine6669, welcome to the forum. I’m glad you found the courage to come here and tell your story, and to ask for help. I’m sorry to hear that all this happened in the days leading up to your birthday :'( I get the sense you were already carrying a huge burden of emotional pain before any of this happened, and now you are completely collapsing into the grief of alienating some of the most important people in your life. I imagine you feel very alone right now, and I want you to know that you have us to rely on when others have turned their backs. We’re here for you.

It sounds like you feel tremendously guilty for the way things played out, and have been completely taken aback by the way actions and choices you barely had time to comprehend have resulted in a cascade of falling dominoes. It seems as though you’ve been abandoned, sitting in the middle of all these toppled dominoes with no one to help you clean them up or understand how it all happened so quickly.

I imagine you are mourning the loss of your relationship with your ex, that although you can see there were fault lines in your relationship you weren’t quite ready to let him go, and especially not in the way that it happened. It seems to me that still living with him would make every day a painful reminder of what you’ve lost; do you have anywhere else you can stay? I would guess you also grieve for your best friend and the pain he is going through right now, and can see his pain mirrored in your own. On top of all that, your mom’s reaction must have cut you to the core and felt like the ultimate betrayal, hitting you when you were already down.

I’m scared for you, to hear how alone you are with your pain and how pressing the thoughts of suicide have become in your mind. It sounds like before your friend attempted to end his life, you felt driven towards seeking help for your own thoughts…but now that drive seems to have left you. Is there anything that’s helped distract you from the thoughts of suicide that you can draw on now to help keep you strong?

I hope that you will continue to lean on us for support in this difficult time, both here and in the live chat (6pm-11pm PST most days, 6pm-midnight on Fridays and Saturdays). You’ll be in our thoughts.

The Support Team