Hi weareghosts,

Welcome to the Youthspace forum 🙂 It sounds like you’ve been riding on a rough roller coaster for awhile now, but lately things have gotten to an even darker place. I’m really sorry to hear things are so intense for you right now and my guess is that would leave you feeling really helpless….wanting to do something but not knowing how to get anything to change 🙁

I really hear your desire to get help and figure out what’s right for you…wondering if the hospital is a good idea, or if it should be the next step. I can’t tell you what’s right for you in this situation but I want you to know that we’re here to support you in this period and if you want to talk in real time to help hash out this decision you are more than welcome to chat or text in to youthspace.ca between the hours of 6-12PST. Especially if you’re sensing a more imminent risk at following through with your plan, we’re much better able to support you in a chat than on the forum. Also let us know if you want other resources you could call into if you’re feeling like going through with your plan.

It sounds like this is a really challenging period for you that’s got you completely exhausted, overwhelmed and at a loss for what to do…know that you’re not alone and we’re here sending you thoughts and care on this summer evening breeze.

<3 Youthspace

Hi burritoboy,

Welcome to the Youthspace forums.
I’m hearing that you’ve felt a lot of difficulty in defining your personal values, especially when you are in relationships with other people. I imagine that can be kind of disorienting and maybe scary as well.
I’m hearing that this last little while has been an especially significant time for you, especially in making the tough decision to end a relationship in order to come to terms with your own thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you decided to do so after feeling like you were controlled in your past relationships, and that sounds like it was a disempowering experience.
I imagine that this can take a lot of energy, and can be exhausting. I’m hearing that it leaves you feeling crazy sometimes, like the thoughts in your head can be a bit of whirlpool, and that makes it tough to be by yourself.
I think that struggling to find our own values can be a huge learning process, and can be very challenging sometimes.
I’m glad you came on to Youthspace for support.
We are here to support you on your journey to cope with the thoughts in your head and the times to yourself.
<3 The Support Team

I hear you on the frustrations that can be time zones. Sounds like it can be hard to reach out to start off with, without the added complexity of time zones. It also seems like there are some other people in your life that you really care for, so much so that you are hesitant to reach out to them for fear of how they may view your relapse. I wonder if there is someone you feel safer with or if there is a way you would want to reach out to someone?
I image it feels safe and comfortable to turn to these habits (something that has been a constant?). It all sounds so exhausting, like the energy has leached out of you and you just want to nest in your room. I have a neat list of distraction that might help give you something else to try out, a start to something perhaps?
http://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/ (Though it says its ‘alternatives to self-harm’ I find so many of the ideas can be used by anyone needing a distraction or alternative activity). I would love to hear if anything on this page jumps out at you.
We are here for you <3
Youthspace

Hi Ozryn,

Welcome to youthspace. I can hear that things are really scary for you, and I can only imagine how exhausted and on edge you must have been when you posted yesterday morning. I am so glad you posted on our forum.

From you saying that your “uncle constantly answer me sexually,” I am understanding that he abused you sexually… am I right? No one ever deserves to be abused and hurt like that, and I can only imagine how devastating and scary it must have been to have gone through that when you were so young, and by someone you were supposed to be able to trust. Thank you for trusting us to tell us about the abuse. Can I ask how long ago it happened… how many years has it been since you were 12 (if that was the last time?).

It must be so terrifying to be forced to now share a room with the man that abused you, and I can hear how anxious it makes you to be asleep beside him – I imagine that your brain wouldn’t want to fall asleep at all, in order to try and protect yourself. Are there other ways besides not sleeping that you have tried to make yourself feel more safe when he’s around?

That is such a huge secret to carry, and I am guessing that it would be eating you up from the inside… especially if you were forced to pretend everything was okay on the outside. Have you been able to talk to anyone about what your uncle did to you? If you wanted to give us your location (even just generally state/province?), I could look into some resources that you could reach out to in order to talk about what’s going on for you?

I want to again thank you for posting here at youthspace ozryn, it takes a ton of courage to reach out.

-Youthspace

Hi JayTyHelloBye,

First off, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain right now, more than you’ve experienced for a while. It sounds like you have been working so hard over the last four months to stop self-harming, but life has gotten so difficult and overwhelming lately that you do not know how else to cope with all the pain. What did you do to cope with everything over the last four months without self-harming? I get the sense that something has changed recently for you that has you feeling completely devastated. I would imagine you must have a ton of stuff to deal with right now if it is leaving you with such strong urges to self-harm.

From what I gather, it sounds like you are desperately in need of something to help shoulder the burden for you. Please know we are always here for you if you want to talk. While you are always welcome to post here, please feel free chat in (or text us) as well if you’d like, especially if you need more immediate support. We are open every night from 6pm to midnight PST.

Keep in touch; we want to hear from you. In the meantime, please take care.
<3
Youthspace

• This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Youthspace.

Hey, Drowning; glad to see you reaching out to Youthspace again. We understand how there are times when posting to the forums doesn’t feel right, so no need to apologize. We are here for you when you do reach out, whether it be to our forums, chat (we can offer you a live chat between 6pm and 12 PST) or email counsellor at [email protected].

I hear how you’re struggling with both anxiety and depression and surrounded by people who don’t seem to understand the heavy emotions that you have to deal with. I imagine it would be incredibly frustrating to have your anxiety seep into your work life as it has; leading you to cut back hours and land in difficult situations with co-workers who just don’t get it! Also, in addition to not understanding it sounds to me like your co-workers bully you; which is absolutely unfair and I’m sure, terrible to deal with. You do not deserve to be bullied, Drowning and are absolutely in the right when you say it is not your fault you have anxiety attacks. Sounds to me like you fight emotional battles on the daily, so I imagine being told to just “suck it up” is very painful 🙁

I am glad to hear that you have a friend who is a support to you, as you fight through the dark place that you’re currently in. I’m wondering what you mean when you say that sometimes it gets so bad that you sleepover at your friend’s house? How bad does it get?

Sounds like the adult colouring book is a great distraction for you and I’m wondering if you can think of any other things in your life that would distract you from the obnoxious anxiety or help you care for yourself? If you want, we can provide you with links to websites of self-care ideas and distractions.

We are here for you and send you our best wishes. <3

Youthspace

Hi drifting,

I can hear how desperate you are to feel normal and relaxed again. It sounds like the one method you’ve found that can help is not one you want use to use anymore because it causes those around you pain as well. It must take a lot of balance on your part to work through what’s happening for you, while still trying to keep your word to your mom and it can feel like it gets harder everyday.

I also get the sense that the anxiety from not self-harming is compounded with the anxiety of completing school assignments when you’re at a low point. I would imagine you’re feeling completely overwhelmed.

drifting, if you are looking for other ways that might help to release some of those horrible feelings inside, I have a link (http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf) that has many alternate ideas and distractions, you may find something that could work for you.

I’m also hearing that you have been able to stay away from self-injury for the past two weeks, what did you find helpful during that time?

You can also reach the Youthspace support team via chat or text every day from 6pm-12am PST.

-Youthspace <3

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Youthspace.

Hi Rio_Rion,

I’m glad to hear from you. I can imagine the last few weeks have been a huge upheaval, causing serious disruption to your life. Unwanted and likely unwelcome! Sounds like you have lost even more hope, and are left in a very discouraged place. The tone of your post here is foreboding, and I’m curious to learn more about what you mean by your “last try”. I’m hearing you say that only you can make yourself better – I’m wondering if you feel empowered to improve your health, or if you have a plan to make big changes?

You said that after the hospital visit ‘every last fiber of passion’ has disappeared. I hear the numbness that you are living in – like a fog bank has blanketed any hope or passion you once had.

I hope you know we want to keep listening, and supporting you in ways that work for you. What do you think are your next steps? Is there anything we can offer to support you in your journey?

Here for you,
Youthspace.