Sophiecdxx,

I can really hear how overwhelmingly unbearable your pain is, and the consuming fear of being left alone on this crashing ride. I can imagine that it’s sooooo intense and just when you think it can’t get more intense, it does. You have been so brave to reach out in order to ease and control the uncontainable roller coaster.

I’m really worried about you when you say that there is nothing keeping you alive. I get the sense that you really want someone to send support to help you stay alive. Please know that we can provide you with that kind of support if you want to chat in and give us some info. In case we are not available, please call 911 if you feel like you are at the crashing point. You don’t deserve to suffer this way.

I’m really scared for you and hope that you can stay strong tonight and reach out to us or someone else before committing to your plan.

We are here for you and want to help.

the Support Team

Hey Terezi,
It’s really great to hear you’re feeling more calm and collected right now. I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying support from your bf and bff – seems their support has really lifted your spirits.

I get the sense that you have worked out some good strategies to keep your cool in those stressful moments – What’s helping you remain relaxed and avoid freaking out?

We really appreciate you sharing your journey here with us
The Support Team

Hi Terezi,

I can hear how quickly things can escalate within your friendships from peaceful to all-out war and how responsible you feel to stand in the middle as a peacekeeper. I get the sense that when you stand between your friends who are fighting you feel pulled in both directions and feel split right in two pieces. On top of that, it sounds like you feel compelled to determine where the truth lies and are disappointed in yourself that you can’t clearly see whose story is true and who is making theirs up. I’d imagine that all of these feelings must be crashing over you like a tidal wave, pushing you down into the ocean, preventing you from catching your breath.

It sounds as though you took a risk to share your feelings with your guy friend and that he seemed to respect your truth but that you still feel conflicted and overwhelmed despite his understanding. You’ve shared with us how hard you’ve worked on trusting your boyfriend and I’d imagine it seems discouraging to come so far in one relationship only to be thrown back to the beginning in so many others.

The Support team

Hi Isabel0595,

I can hear how desperately you wish to have your questions answered and how confused you’re feeling about these memories and dreams. It sounds as though your friendship ended abruptly as a child and it’s left you with a feeling that there must be an explanation behind what happened. I’d imagine that the story your mom told you about your friend’s uncle only adds to the uncertainty from the past.

I get the sense that your feelings about having sex with your boyfriend are really upsetting to you — especially since you can’t understand why you’re reacting the way that you are. It sounds as though your relationship with your boyfriend offers no explanation for your feelings so you sense there must be something deeper going on to prompt such a strong reaction. I wonder if your boyfriend is someone what can be a support for you during this uncertain time?

At youthspace we can’t give advice but are here to support you Isabel0595. It’s very brave of you to share so openly here and I certainly appreciate you taking this risk to reach out. I hope you’ll continue to share how you’re doing with us as you process your thoughts and feelings.

The Support Team

Hey Sophiecdxx <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="

Thanks for posting, and sharing your thoughts and your story. It seems like life lately had been a series of out-of-control trains, taking you from home to police to hospital… with you just trying to hang on long enough to survive in the moment. I can imagine that there must have been moments of huge pain and fear, and moments of desperation — and I can hear how the desperation to get away from everything drove you to try ending your life. My heart goes out to you, Sophiecdxx; those moments when you had already tried to end things and you decided to call for help must have seemed agonizing. And I can hear that the time afterwards was filled with pain in its own way — both physical pain and the emotional pain of finding yourself so completely isolated. Afterwards, it must have seemed like everyone was looking at you with judging eyes and finding you lacking. Oh Sophiecdxx, please know that we see only the pain that you were trying to escape and the strength that it took to call for help when you had already gone so far…

It’s heartening to hear that you want to find “your place” and find a way to live in this world without feeling the huge stress and emotional distress that has been part of your life. I deeply hope that you are able to keep that thought with you, because it sounds like your mind still turns to thoughts of suicide, and I can imagine that the battle against them might continue to be a struggle. I can hear that even though you were scared about how close to death you came, the other side of you is still dealing with all the pain that sent you towards that path in the first place, and still very much has suicide as an option. Knowing that it’s still so nearby in your mind must be nerve-wracking.

I get the sense that you really want to find an escape, the elusive path out of a maze of pain… and that your mind keeps turning towards suicide and self-harm. I get the sense that it’s hard to feel like you fit in anymore to a world that requires you to go about your day and pretend like nothing is happening.

We can hear how desperate things are for you — please know that you can chat in or post here, and we will give you whatever support we can.
-The Support Team

Hi Fallen Down,

I can hear how paralyzing your anxiety has become for you in your life and how helpless you feel in not being able to control your emotions in social situations. I’d imagine it was an awful experience to be meeting new people and become physically ill from the stress. It’s as though your mind and body have betrayed you and left you fighting a battle you don’t feel you can win.

I get the sense that the idea of attending school when you’re still reeling from the other night is a nearly impossible task for you — like you’ve been climbing up hill and suddenly you’re carrying a backpack filled with bricks.

I’m wondering if your boyfriend or anyone else is able to support you when you feel your anxiety taking over? While we can’t give you advice we are definitely here to support you through this difficult time. Our forum is always here for you to post to and we have an online chat service that is open 6-11pm PST every night if you want to talk to someone privately and one-on-one.

The Support Team

Hey Dan,

It sounds like you’re feeling things pretty intensely at the moment and some part of you wants to share all of this with the people in your life and yet, at the same you’re reluctant to do so because you’re scared sharing how you feel with people won’t really bring you the support you’re looking for or even worse, they won’t care.

I can hear how alone you feel and how much you’re longing for meaningful and loving contact with someone. I can imagine that riding that roller coaster of ups and downs is pretty draining and it would be a welcome relief for you to have someone you cared about who cared about you, be there with you through it all.

If I am reading it right, I get the sense that though you feel better when you’re taking your pills, you’re worried that your medication is simply masking your unhappiness. I’d imagine that might make you feel even more despairing, to think that even your moments of happiness aren’t real.

I am glad you felt able to share how you’re feeling, Dan and we’re always here to listen to you.

The Support Team

Terezi,

I get the sense that being able to fully trust the person that you’re dating is a big value for you. It seems that the trouble you feel in trusting your bf is shaking the foundation of who you thought that you could even be in a relationship. It becomes about more than just how you feel about him, but also what it means about you that you’re having trouble trusting him. I can hear how much doubt and confusion this is creating.

It sounds like your thoughts are running all over the place, and dragging your feelings with them. You say that your emotions are all twisted and knotted, and it does sound a lot like a crazy bundle of string, where you can’t find the real end, and every time you tug on something that you think might loosen it all up, it just gets worse…

We’re here for you, Terezi, if you just want to keep talking through it and looking for those loose ends.

The Support Team