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  • December 16, 2014 at 4:45 am in reply to: Hi again #19278
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey Joy,

    It’s good to hear from you again. I am sorry you have been having such a tough time lately. Being sick sounds as though it has really sapped your energy and left you feeling pretty despondent. I imagine having to manage your health without caring assistance from the doctors and people around you would be exhausting. And then being behind in school again because you’ve been ill just adds to the stress you’re already feeling. Sounds like all in all, you’re feeling disappointed and fed up with having so much to deal with. I wonder what have you done in the past when you’ve been feeling this run down to take care of yourself?

    I can hear how frustrating it is having the church on your case about your sexual orientation and how it contributes to you feeling bad about yourself. I am sorry that is happening to you. Everyone deserves to be respected and accepted for who they are.

    I get the sense that you’re feeling really isolated, particularly since the lgbt group you attend sounds like it no longer feels safe to you because your ex goes there. From what you’ve said, it seems like it was a painful break-up that you’re still healing from and some of her actions have left you feeling a little angry and betrayed.

    Know that we’re here for you and will support you the best we can. You’re also welcome to chat in from 6-11pm PST if you want to talk in ‘real time’ too.
    <3 Youthspace

    December 12, 2014 at 5:27 am in reply to: can’t control my emotions #19276
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey Luciana,

    I imagine it would be beyond frustrating to be so ready for change and healing and not be able to get the therapeutic support you need. From all you’ve posted here though, it seems you’ve already begun your own journey, despite the fact that it’s an uphill battle for you to even get to see someone.(We do connect youth to email counselling through our website. Here’s a link for you http://youthspace.ca/counsellor if that is something you might be interested in.)

    I can hear how much hope you had for this relationship and how just physically being held by him let you sink into those feelings of security and warmth and intimacy that come from being close to another person. I am guessing you let yourself open up more than you ever have before in order to be with him and when he broke it off, it really hurt and so you closed down (deleted him from Facebook, was cold to him) to try to protect yourself. Though in the end, it seems you feel as if it didn’t protect you in quite the ways you wanted. Kind of like in the heat of the moment, you over-protected, like a porcupine getting its quills up, and now looking back, you wish you had found a way to cope with the hurt a bit differently.

    I get the sense that one part of you feels ready to take the emotional risk of being vulnerable by emailing him and possibly being rejected and the other part of you feels as though the anxiety this risk generates is unbearable. I get how much you want to be seen and accepted, how much you want to have a loving and honest relationship with someone and I can imagine how terrifying it feels to put yourself out there in this way.

    The movie playing in your head sounds as though it has positive sides (it’s soothing when you’re dealing with a situation that causes you anxiety, particularly a social situation where you worry that people are judging you) as well as negative sides (it makes it harder for you to engage with others and be present and you can’t always turn it off when you want to). You mentioned how writing, drawing, cleaning and meditating help you shift into being present when the movie is running and those sound like great grounding and self-care tools to me. I wondered other than playing the movie what else you try to do to cope when you’re in a social situation and you are worried people are judging you?

    Know that we will be here for you as you continue to work through these thoughts.

    Youthspace

    December 4, 2014 at 6:46 am in reply to: can’t control my emotions #19274
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hello Luciana,

    I am glad you posted again.

    I get the sense that it feels as if the boundary between what goes on inside your mind, and what goes on in the world outside of you, isn’t always quite clear. Sometimes it seems like the movie playing in your mind is more real than the work you need to do or the people you are hanging out with. I can understand how hard that would make it to be engaged with other people. And correct me if I’m wrong, but from what you described about the party where the guy’s friends were present, it sounded as though your feelings of embarrassment and concerns about them thinking you were creepy or insane, made it difficult for you to interpret his friends actions. I imagine that would feel a little unnerving, to not to be sure if you are interpreting stuff quite right. It also sounds like in some situations, the things that are happening in your head might stop you from seeing what’s happening around you until later on, when that barrier might drop, and you are able to see it from a different perspective – such as when you talk about how you might have been acting needy around this guy, but you weren’t able to see it that way until later.

    I can appreciate how comforting the movie reel of this guy is in your mind — yet you also despise your reliance on these fantasies and the role they plan in distracting you from your daily life there. I’m wondering what you do to pull yourself out of those movie scenes? Are there times when you feel more present and grounded in your life? Since you liked the exercises we gave you before, I’m going to give you another link to a site that has some good self-help techniques, in case you want to try some others out. https://www.walkalong.ca/explore/self-help-exercises

    Luciana I can hear how much thought you are putting into your mental health right now. I admire the courage with which you are looking at your thought patterns and working to understand not only where you are, but also where you want to get to in order to be healthy. I truly hope you believe that you deserve love and happiness.

    And in a way, it seems like your living abroad is opening you up, and allowing you to learn many things about yourself. I can hear how so much of that experience is new, exciting, and has that spirit of creation and “anything can happen”. As you said though, you weren’t expecting all of the emotional challenges that you’re feeling, and I can imagine how vulnerable it feels to have them exerting such power over you when you’re also feeling isolated.

    When you say you won’t be able to find what you need, I’m wondering if describing what you need here would be helpful for you as part of your process? It sounds like there are a some very strong feelings attached to having a father figure in your life, and that there’s a deep yearning to have what other people have in terms of family support and connection?

    With warmth,

    Youthspace

    December 1, 2014 at 2:28 am in reply to: Great service + suggestion #19273
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Minti,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to share you feedback and suggestions with us — we are always eager to hear how youth are experiencing our service and how we might improve. I’m very glad to hear that our volunteer was able to offer you the space and time you needed to find some clarity in your thoughts. At youthspace we make a point of not offering advice but instead of listening and helping you find the answers you might need in a more collaborative way… after all we aren’t the experts on anyone else’s life.

    I will definitely pass along your feedback re: font and see if there is any way to make things easier to read and less confusing for spacing.

    We do limit chats to once per night regardless of whether you are texting us or using IM because we need to ensure we are available to as many youth as possible throughout the night. If you chat in once in a night and things change for you later in the evening so you don’t feel you can stay safe then we encourage you to reach out to emergency services (911) or to a local crisis line. Please let us know if you have more questions about this policy.

    Thank you again for your feedback Minti. We look forward to supporting you in the future if and when you might need us.

    <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title=" Youthspace

    November 29, 2014 at 6:19 am in reply to: can’t control my emotions #19271
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey Luciana,

    Welcome to the Youthspace Forum. I am sad to hear you are going through such a rough time. I imagine moving to a new country would be challenging and possibly very isolating. I can see how such a big change might feel destabilizing and really impact your ability to cope with both the day-to-day and your past.

    From what you’ve said, you’ve survived a lot of abuse. No one deserves to be abused and I am sorry that happened to you. I get the sense that the abuse you experienced has left you feeling scared to open up and be vulnerable with people. It sounds as though you felt things were different with this guy and you were really hopeful and excited about a future with him. I can imagine how devastating it was to see him with another girl.

    Constantly obsessing about this guy sounds as though it would be painful and frustrating. Tiring too- to be riding the wave of your emotions. I am guessing it is also frightening for you to not be able to control your thoughts. Have you had the experience of having thoughts play like a movie in your head that you can’t turn off before?

    You mentioned you were looking for some tips on how to get relief from your obsessing. If you were interested, you could check out Calm Clinic (http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/relaxation) for some stress reduction activities and ideas that might be helpful? (They are designed with anxiety in mind but they can be used to for stress in general).

    I am glad you reached out to us. I would totally invite you to use our chat service but unfortunately it is only available within Canada. However, our forum is open to you and we’re always here to listen and offer you support. I hope you’ll connect with us here whenever you need to.
    <3
    Youthspace

    November 28, 2014 at 7:52 pm in reply to: Dream of Canada #19270
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Husnain,

    Thank you for reaching out in this stressful time. I can imagine that you yearn to travel to Canada with all your heart. Seems like life has been challenging for you with family and financial stresses. You said that finding our page has helped you hold onto your dream, I’m wondering what else helps you find peace and happiness?

    Youthspace.ca is a place to talk about challenges in our lives. We are here to support you and the emotions that this journey brings up for you, however we cannot help you (physically or financially) come to Canada.

    I see desperation in your words and it sounds like you want somewhere to voice your fears and hopes. If you want to talk more about these emotional challenges we are here.

    With best wishes,
    Youthspace

    November 14, 2014 at 3:22 am in reply to: Suicidal Thoughts #19269
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey Gitit,

    Reading your words, I get the image of someone treading water in a dark lake. It sounds like you been trying to find the shore for a long time now and you’re exhausted and fed up and in need of some love and support. I can hear how drained you feel and how one part of you is ready to give up and I wonder what have you done in the past to take care of yourself when you’re feeling this down?

    I get the sense there is a war going on inside of you. On the one hand, suicide is on your mind and on the other hand, it sounds like you are longing to find another route out of your pain, another way to stop the thoughts that endlessly go round in your brain, so you can live a full life without so much hurt.

    I get how despairing you feel and I want you to know we’re here for you both on the forum and on Youthspace Chat, which is open every night 6-11pm PST if you want to reach out to us in real time.

    Thinking of you,
    <3 Youthspace

    November 12, 2014 at 5:16 am in reply to: I dont know what to do #19268
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Sophie,

    I’m so glad that you feel you can share with us here what’s really going on for you. I’m really getting a picture of just how bleak the world seems to you right now and the loneliness you’re carrying in being unable to confide in anyone else. It sounds like you’re getting a very strong message that you are somehow difficult to get along with and that no matter how hard you try to please your parents it just isn’t enough. I’d imagine it would feel horrible to receive so little appreciation for all the effort you put into your relationship with your parents.

    It sounds as though you’ve fallen deep into a dark well of sorrow Sophie and that you’re desperately seeking help to pull yourself back into a place of light. I’m really getting a sense of how you punish yourself physically as a way to cope with the feelings you’re experiencing and how torn you feel about giving up these behaviours. It sounds as though there is a safety in the familiar, even when that familiar is pain. I know we’ve checked in about this before Sophie but I want to ask again whether you’re able to stay safe from suicide and whether you’re in danger of accidentally ending your life through your self-harm?

    We are here to listen to you Sophie and to offer support when you need it.

    <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title=" Youthspace

    November 11, 2014 at 3:51 am in reply to: Suicidal Thoughts #19266
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Gitit, thanks for coming back in.

    I’m really hearing how hard it is too reach out for support in your darkest times.

    I want you to know that your strength in pushing onwards and reaching out to the supports you have in your life as well as seeking out new ones is inspiring and I hope that you’re finding some relief in getting these things out there.

    You mention that you find it hard to trust yourself, is that part of the internal struggle you’re facing?

    We’re here for you as best we can.

    November 10, 2014 at 9:42 am in reply to: I dont know what to do #19264
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Sophiexx, welcome. It sounds like things have gotten pretty dark again for you lately. :(

    You said that you’ve been having a lot of suicidal thoughts – those thoughts seem to be popping into your head all the time, without your control, and I can imagine that it’s really stressful to be going along with your day, and then suddenly get swept sideways in that way. :( I can hear how when you feel upset, your mind turns pretty quickly to thoughts of death. I think that your idea about possibly going to the police station, or getting emergency help of some kind is a good one if you get to the point where you feel like you really can’t be safe not to take action on the thoughts. Remember that when we’re open, you can also chat in to youthspace, or text us at 778-783-0177, and we can help you by talking through things and making a plan for your safety. <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="

    You seem to be feeling exceptionally alone against everything right now, and though it can be so hard to reach out, I am happy that you thought to come back and talk here. You are not a bother to us, and we honestly wish to help you get through these tough times. It’s clearly a really isolating time for you — even with people around you, i get the sense that there’s not really anyone showing you the kind of warmth that you need in order to feel loved and valuable right now.

    I can hear how disappointing it is to find yourself harming again — like it’s a sign for you of how bad things are right now, since you thought it wouldn’t happen again. I can imagine it’s incredibly hard to forgive yourself right now for going back to it, which might just intensify the feelings that make you want to do so.

    I really want to be able to help you find things that will help you to cope, but one of the reasons we don’t give advice here is because what might work for me might not work at all for you. I’ll include a couple of sites here that have some lists of distractions/coping skills that you can look at for yourself, and I’ll remind you as well that we have email counselling available on our site.

    http://Www.walkalong.ca — a newer site, it has a lot of good coping tools, as well as a “lifechart” which you can use to track your moods over time to help you understand them.
    http://www.lifesigns.org.uk/ – a site specific to recovery from self-harm — there’s a good “helping you” section

    We’re here for you, Sophiexx. <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="

    -youthspace

    November 9, 2014 at 3:38 am in reply to: I’m a Facebook Stalker #19263
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Susanne : )

    Thank you for the update and the check in. How is the additional resource search going for you?

    I love the sentiment that you’ll keep talking until you have the strength to beat this, it’s like you already know your going to make it though. Inspiring!

    November 8, 2014 at 5:04 am in reply to: Suicidal Thoughts #19260
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hi Gitit,

    It sounds like you’re feeling attacked by images of ending your life, that they are coming on relentlessly. I also get the sense you feel helpless to these thoughts, they come at you in such unexpected ways almost as though they are infiltrating your mind from outside yourself. I can hear how strongly you are fighting against these thoughts, fighting for the part of you that wants to live, and that it’s completely depleting your energy just to get through the day. When you think about suicide, do you find yourself making a plan to end your life?

    I hope you will continue to check in with us throughout your fight…from the sounds of it, you’re starting to feel cracks in your resolve to stay alive, and we’ll be here for you lending you all the strength we can spare.

    <3 Youthspace

    November 8, 2014 at 4:00 am in reply to: I’m a Facebook Stalker #19259
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey Susanne,

    I get the sense you feel very silenced from talking about this with the people in your life, and scared that if your boyfriend or friends/family found out it would shatter the way they see you. I would guess a big part of your stress comes from hiding that part of you from your loved ones, and keeping the secret of what you are doing.

    I can hear what an awful realization it’s been for you to know you are capable of hurting people in this way, and to live with the guilt you’re stuck with after the rush of logging in subsides. It sounds like you feel totally out of control now, and don’t know if you have the strength within yourself to stop…and that even when you’ve tried to stop, the compulsion takes over and you find yourself back at it. You’ve used the word ‘addicted’ to describe how tied to the stalking you feel…just a thought, I wonder if there’s any wisdom in general addiction resources that might provide some helpful tools or things to try?

    You’re welcome for the support, any time! We’re here when you need an ear (as is the email counselling, you can use both or either/or, it’s totally up to you to switch things up for what’s working best). I hear how much of a freak you are feeling, but I can assure you you’re among friends here <3

    Youthspace

    November 6, 2014 at 6:20 am in reply to: Hi again #19255
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Hey joy,

    Sorry that we took a few days to get back to you. It wasn’t because we didn’t care. <3 Thank you for your honesty – know that our live chat is a place you can reach out if you feel unsafe around yourself some evening and need immediate help.

    Really rocky territory for you…I am imagining that there are moments when it feels like there is light, but also a lot of time when you feel too tired, and too emotionally overwhelmed to even try and find that light.

    It is cool to hear that you’ve got someone else (your girlfriend) who you can share your time with, and who lightens things some. I’m sorry to hear that things you learned as you grew up are now telling you that this person who matters to you shouldn’t. :( And on top of that, I can hear how hard it is for you to be close to some of her struggles, even though you care for her (and probably wish that you could help solve them for her). I get the impression that it’s a little like skating on thin ice — it’s fun, and you feel freer because of it, but at the same time, you’re never sure that the ice isn’t going to crack and leave you floundering in icy water. Scary. Do you feel like the self-disgust you were mentioning before might be playing into it as well, perhaps in how you aren’t feeling “good enough to have her stay”…?

    Glad to hear you’re caught up in school. I know it doesn’t erase the emotional turmoil, but it must be somewhat of a relief!
    -youthspace

    November 5, 2014 at 10:33 pm in reply to: im scared #19254
    Youthspace
    Moderator

    Welcome,

    Thank you for having the courage and strength to give humans one more chance at supporting you. I hope you will find the Youthspace Forum a warm and supportive place.

    I can hear the weight of the grief you carry, and I am truly sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how profoundly your brother’s death has impacted you. I want you to know that although you may feel partly responsible his death was not your fault. Please be gentle on yourself in your grief <3

    You’re uncertain how to find ways to control your anxiety, and I’m wondering what you have tried in the past. Has anything helped you avoid those panic attacks?

    I have to tell you I’m worried for you! When you say that you’re scared, you feel stuck in a deep depression, and that the emotional pain you carry is getting worse…I’m wondering if suicide has become an option for you? This is a safe place to talk about what is scaring you.

    I hope that if you do self-injure you stay safe and care for your injuries. Our Chat Volunteers are online every evening 6-11pm PST if you are in Canada and want to connect that way.

    Take care of yourself kittykat101. Hope to hear from you soon.
    -Youthspace

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