Forum Replies Created
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Hey Danielle,
I am sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time right now. It sounds like you really want to do a good job and the thought of making a mistake and having people judge or be disappointed in you is paralyzing for you.
I get the sense that even though you know it takes time to learn something new and that mistakes are a big part of learning, your feelings of anxiety are taking over and making it difficult sometimes for you to believe that’s true. I imagine it’d be pretty frustrating to have your nervousness making it so much harder for you do the job. It seems as if you’re panicking about doing a good job and panicking about panicking and that sounds very stressful!
You mentioned wanting to combat your anxious feelings, and I wondered what have you done in the past to help yourself feel calm and cope in challenging situations?
I’ll be sending you thoughts of strength and courage while you try and find your footing at this new job.
We’re here for you
Youthspace
Hey Britney,
Welcome to youthspace, I’m glad you came here to share what’s been happening for you. It sounds like you were really hurt when your GBF started crushing on a girl that has been really mean to you, and who has encouraged others to bully you as well. I’d guess you felt betrayed when he started to like her in that way, when before he used to defend you and try to get her to stop bullying you.
I get the sense that when your mom told you to stop being so sad, it made it harder for you to talk to anyone about how you are feeling in case they told you to suck it up too. I hear you that it’s frustrating and unhelpful to be told to just get over things that are making you hurt so much. It sounds like you’re hopeful that the new place you’ve moved to could be better, away from the bullies, but that you are also feeling lonely not knowing anyone there. How has it been after messaging your GBF? Do you have anyone in your new place you can talk to when you need support?
I imagine you scared yourself the night you tried self-harming, and are now uneasy with the thought that the drama became that overwhelming for you. Do you still have thoughts of self-harm after trying it? Know that we are here for you, you can tell us anything that’s weighing on your mind when it comes to self-harm (we might edit some of the words to make this forum a safe place for everyone, but we do read everything you say to us).
I’m glad you are ‘trying’ some new ways of coping, and reaching out when you need support. I hope we’ll keep hearing from you when you need us.
Youthspace
Hi Danielle,
I’m really getting the sense that for you, happiness will come from finding meaning in your work and that there is little meaning to be found in cashiering. It sounds as though one part of you wants to squash your negative feelings about this type of job and just embrace the inevitable but an equal part of you is prepared to fight against what society is demanding of you in hopes of finding something more fulfilling in place of these societal expectations.
I can also hear that you have aspirations to go to university and find your passion through your education — and also that working as a cashier is an integral part of that plan in order to finance your education. I’d imagine it would feel frustrating to have big dreams that have to fit inside such a small box of opportunity in the near future. I can almost picture you bursting at the seams of the small life you’re being forced to lead before you can reach your destination.
I’m so glad that you’ve found our forum here Danielle and I hope you will continue to share your story with us here and reach out for support as you navigate these challenged of happiness and obligation. We are here to listen — and we also have a live chat nightly 6-11pm PST if you want come more immediate support from us.
YouthspaceHi Danielle,
Welcome to the youthspace forum. It looks like you needed a space to talk some things out, and I’m glad that you found us in the vast space that is the internet.
You’ve expressed some anxiety about the idea of getting a job, and I can hear how much deeper it goes than just not wanting to put in the time or energy. It sounds like for you, the idea itself feels ugly because it appears to equal buying into a cycle that you don’t agree with or feel is okay. Seems like part of the discomfort comes from the feeling that perhaps it’s inevitable to become just another cog in a machine that is designed to keep human beings passively working to survive in lives that they don’t really like. I can hear how little you want to be a part of a system like that (and I honestly think it’s pretty cool that you want to find a way of life that is more fulfilling to you). I suppose part of the anxiety comes from the way that, as you said so eloquently “society is impeccably designed to force you under it’s thumb”, and that we seem helpless against it?
You know that you need to get a job, and you’ve talked about having to get past these feelings…how do you think that you might be able to do that? Or, another question might be…how do you think that you could work but also feel fulfilled? What might that look like?
We’re here to talk it out with you…feel free to keep using our forum as you navigate some of the big questions and conflicts that are arising in your mind.
-youthspace
Hey Wolfwood,
Thank you for sharing your story on our Forum. I’m so sorry to learn about the abuse you endured in the past, you really don’t deserve that.
I can really hear how much you are hurting from the painful experiences in your past and how it’s affecting your relationships in the present. I’m also hearing how confusing it is to know where to go from here. It seems like it has been such a struggle to get here and now that you are here, and for a moment it seems to be good, it continues to be a struggle again
. I can imagine that it is very frightening to be in a loving relationship when past relationships still haunt you.Sounds like the pain that you endured was more than you can bear for a lifetime and you want to do what it takes to protect yourself from similar experiences to be safe from the hurt. Seems like you have come a long way but the pain is still there, and it’s still scary and still hurts. I can hear how sensitive you are to situations that resemble the way your parents treated you. I imagine that all you want is to protect yourself from that, and even in this loving relationship, you feel very alone with the pain. I can hear how much you want the person you love to understand your pain without taking it personally.
I’m really worried about you when you say that you “want to give up on everything in [your] life” and I’m wondering if you are considering suicide as an option. How do you cope when things get so overwhelming?
Please know that we are here for you in Forum and live, every night 6pm-11pm PST, if you want someone to chat with.
We are here for you Wolfwood,
Youthspace
Hi Eddiebasset99,
I can really hear how scary it is for you to think about sharing your sexuality with your friend with the possibility that she might react negatively… I think you mentioned in an earlier post that you’d shared this with another friend and she had reacted by pushing you away, is that right? I would imagine that one rejection could make the idea of opening up to someone that you truly feel you have some chemistry and the possibility of romance with even more daunting than it might have been before.
It sounds like your family think you’ve found something really special here but that there is something about this new place that can’t quite live up to the energy of London and the people you left behind there. I can hear that you’re really hoping that joining some activities might allow you to connect with others and find those relationships you’ve been craving… if you’d like to brainstorm some ideas about where you might socialize we would be happy to chat with you on our live chat, 6-11pm PST nightly.
I’m really glad to hear that you reached out to your mum around what happened to you at the dance and that steps have been taken to prevent you or anyone else from being subjected to something like that again. I get the sense though that helping to prevent a reoccurrence doesn’t necessarily mean that you are at peace with what happened to you. This is definitely a safe place to unpack any feelings that you might still be having around your first kiss being with someone that you felt deceived by.
We are here to support you
YouthspaceHi Eddiebasset99,
I am so sorry to hear that happened to you, Eddiebasset99. It sounds as if you found the guy at the dance disrespectful of your boundaries and his advances grossed you out. No one should ever touch us (or keep touching us) unless we want them to. You also mentioned that you’re unnerved by the age difference between the two of you and this concerns me too. I wondered if you have shared how you felt about this with anyone else in your life?
I get the sense Europe is still your real home and that you miss both the culture and your friends there a lot. I imagine it would be lonely to have no one around who gets your sense of humour. It sounds like that has intensified your longing for the kind of connection you had with your friends in Europe. To have someone in your life who really gets you.
I can imagine how painful it was to tell your friend about how you’re probably bisexual and have her respond in that way. I’m guessing it took a lot for you to open up to her and now, given her reaction, you feel worried about sharing your thoughts on your sexuality with all the other people in your life. I imagine that would create a feeling of distance between you and your friends…and also make you wonder how guys may react in the future if they hear. The fact that she responded by acting like you were diseased has left you feeling like you should hide your questioning about your own sexuality. That’s a feeling that nobody should have, and I’m glad that you decided to talk it out here. For the record, youthspace.ca is a completely safe place to talk about your confusion/worries/hopes as you sort things out (especially in chat, where things are slightly more confidential). We’re here for you.
When you say you’re curious about making new friends this summer, I picture you on the cusp of an adventure, like you’re almost ready to bust out of your comfort zone but you’ve still got a little sussing out of the situation to do first. It seems as though this both a hard and complicated time, and perhaps the beginning of something new and exciting?
Youthspace
Hi EddieBasset99,
I can hear that your sexuality has been something you’ve questioned over the past year and that you’ve got a lot of fear around how it would be perceived by your friends if you tried to share these questions with them. I’d imagine that it would be really intimidating to reach out and ask for help in finding who you really are when there seems to be a chance that you could be cast out for being that person.
I get the sense that things in Europe were quite different for you than they are in your new place — like you felt a real connection to the people you were surrounded with there and even felt some chemistry with your BFF. I’d guess it’s tough to be so far away from those people, especially her, and that it could be more isolating to know that there are places where you are able to connect better than where you are now.
It sounds as though the school dance really put things in perspective for you with your friends having the opportunity to dance with many people while you only had two dance partners. When you mention your first kiss I get the sense that you were surprised to learn that the guy was in university but I’m not sure whether your
face means you were surprised in a positive or negative way… I wonder if you’d like to share more about that?
It really seems as though this is a confusing time for you EddieBasset99, and I’m really glad that you’ve found our forum to share your story with us. We are here to support you. YouthspaceHi Eddiebasset99,
Welcome to our forum and thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with us.
I can hear how worried you are about your relationships and how hopeless you feel about them in your future. Also, I hear how afraid you are of being “Forever alone”. Seems like you feel a lot of pressure to find someone soon or else it might be too late.
It sounds like you experience anxiety when faced with unfamiliar social situations and avoiding them feels a lot safer right now. I get the sense that you really want to break free of the fear that is holding you back from achieving the type of relationships that you want and to feel comfortable out of your comfort zone. I imagine that you are feeling very lonely and isolated, which probably doesn’t help with the anxiety either when you try to be social:(.
I can hear how confused you feel as to what might be the cause of the fear and anxiety. It seems like the idea of possibly being bi might contribute to some of your anxiety:(. I am wondering if this is something that you just started exploring or if it has been on your mind for some time?
Please know that we are here for emotional support every night 6-11pm PST if you want to talk to someone live.
YouthspaceHi zmp218, welcome to our forum and thank YOU for reaching out. Supporting people online is exactly what we’re here for, and you don’t ever have to apologize here for sharing what is weighing on your most.
I get the sense you’re desperate for an end to the eternal numbness that has consumed you for years. It seems as though the bleakness of life has engulfed you completely, and that your friends have been pushed away by your bitter exterior even while the inner you yearns for their support. I imagine that while it’s a relief to be living on your own and away from the traumas of your past, it’s also scary to feel stuck on the roller coaster of emotions without anyone close by to stop the ride. When you think about giving up on trying to move on, is suicide something that comes into your thoughts?
I admire your dedication to exploring new ways of coping, although I am guessing that dedication comes alongside epic frustration that you have already tried so many things and found them to be dead ends. It sounds like it’s been exhausting trying to gain enough control over your depression and PTSD to just feel close to ok, and although you are ready to move on your emotions seem stuck in the chaos of the past.
I hear your curiosity about hobbies and passions that may distract you from your darkness…is there anything you’ve tried in the past that brings you even a tiny sliver of light? Or anything you’ve been thinking about trying, but aren’t sure about yet?
For what it’s worth (and I know it’s not quite the same), I’m sending you a digital *hug*
youthspaceHi Terezi,
I’m really hearing how frustrating it was for you to see that we edited your last post and that you’d prefer we remove things that we can’t directly post. So you know for the future, we edit items that have identifying information, triggering/violent content, or anything else that we consider to be inappropriate for our space here. Whenever we do this we try to preserve the intent of the post and always respond to the post in its entirety. I hope that helps you to determine what you’re comfortable sharing here — also if you are interested in a private conversation where only we read what you’ve said you are welcome to visit our live chat any night (6-11pm PST) to speak one on one with us.
I’m getting the sense that your relationship with you boyfriend has been like a stormy sea of emotions since January and that you’ve finally reached calmer waters together with the sunshine peeking out. From what you’ve shared here I hear that you two are really committed to one another and that you are really happy with the decisions you’ve made in this relationship.
It sounds as though other areas of your life are still feeling chaotic – like the sea is churning and threatening to capsize your boat. I’d imagine that it’s upsetting to be yelled at by your family and that having it happen multiple times could really wear you down. Also, losing two good friends sounds painful, even if you understood the reasons that one of them had to end things. I’d imagine it would be frustrating to have one area of your life working out so well with your boyfriend only to have other areas causing so much heartache.
I thought your image of sharks circling was really ominous and I hope you’ll continue to check in here to let us know you’re still safe in your boat.
Youthspace
