Hi SleepingWithPoison, welcome to the forum.

Thank YOU for speaking out about what’s going on for you at home. It sounds like you’re completely at the end of your rope trying to get your parents to change for the better, and that other people you have tried talking to aren’t quite understanding how serious your situation is. Does anyone else know the full extent of what’s been happening for you at home? Being put down by your parents, threatened, and hit is NOT okay, and I am so glad you’ve come here to talk about it.

I can hear how exhausting it is to come home to such turmoil every day, and how surreal it is to spend so much time in a “home” that feels like anything but homey and comfortable. I would guess you are angry that no matter what you’ve said or tried, your parents continue to make you feel so unsafe and scared. It sounds like you’re torn between having your dad removed from your home, and staying silent to avoid the drama that might come after such a big change.

I imagine you feel totally stuck without any options left that feel right. We don’t give advice at youthspace because, being an anonymous service, we don’t know you folks that well and can’t say for sure might work best for you. However, I can offer you some resources where you might get advice and/or specific help:

There is a phone number in BC called the Children’s Help Line, where anybody can report any abuse towards someone under 19 years old. You can call this number yourself, 24-hours a day. They will want to know what you’ve been going through and can discuss options with you. If the thought of calling this number on your own is too daunting, you can come into our chat from 6pm-11pm and ask us to call on your behalf, we’ll just need a few identifying details from you. The number is 310-1234, no area code required.

Kids Help Phone is another possible resource if you’re comfortable talking to someone on the phone. They are also available 24-hours a day, and offer free, confidential counselling over the phone. Their website, http://www.kidshelpphone.ca, has some information about abuse in the family and what exactly abuse is. The number for them is 1-800-668-6868.

Finally, you can connect to a counsellor via email through our website. Either click on the “email” bubble under the youthspace.ca logo, or send an email to [email protected]. Your email won’t go to us, but to a professional Youth and Family Counsellor at the Pacific Centre who will email back and forth with you.

If you would like to talk to us about more specific resources that might be in your area, come talk to us in the chat…we don’t want to talk about anything in the forum that might identify who or where you are, so that you can stay anonymous.

I am worried to hear you say “if I continue to live for much longer…” I wonder if that means things have become truly unbearable, and you are thinking about suicide? I’m really scared for you, and can hear how alone are feeling right now and hopeless that anything could possibly change. I hope you’ll keep checking in with us about how things are going for you. You’ll be in our thoughts, for sure.

the Support Team

Hey cfc93,

Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly with us and our users here at youthspace.

Sounds like you have struggled through a lot of pain in the past 5 years and have been able to get through the most scariest moments in your life. I can imagine that it felt like things were never going to change, and now you can happily say that they did.

I can hear how proud you are of your accomplishments, as you should be. You have come a long way in your journey. I can see how others would be inspired by your message. It does get better! Thanks for being living proof of that cfc93 and continue feeling good, you deserve it!

Here for the bad times and the good times,

the Support Team

emmybee,
I really get how unsafe it feels for you to reach out and talk to people about your problems. It hurts to think of you sooo alone, having been back-stabbed or disregarded and rejected everytime you attempt to tell someone how you truly feel. So thank you for trusting us with your heart and your feelings. Your problems DO matter. And you DO deserve to be heard and helped. I’m sorry that hasn’t been your experience.

Sounds like you work really hard to keep it all together and help others stay happy. But then when it comes to yourself you feel unworthy of that happiness? I want you to know that whatever is going on, you deserve to be supported as much as everyone else in your life!

It seems like the idea of death sometimes tempts you…like it would be a way to escape? Can you tell me more about your thoughts of suicide? What helps you stay alive?

Stay connected emmybee, we are here for you when the urge to hurt yourself calls your name.
The Support Team

Oh Dan

It sounds as though you’re struggling to keep a smile on your face but inside you’re crying out… it’s as if you’ve spent all of your energy to keep the house nicely painted but the foundation on the inside is rotting and crumbling around you without anyone really seeing the damage. I’m so sorry to hear that this care worker left you feeling abandoned and I truly appreciate that you take the time to share your feelings with us here at youthspace.

I can hear how heavy the darkness is becoming around you and how loud those thoughts of suicide are ringing inside of your head… I also hear though that there is a part of you still wanting to fight to stay alive. I’m wondering what keeps that part of you fighting to live? We are here to listen to you Dan and I hope you’ll chat in with us one of these nights if the feelings become too much to carry alone.

The Support Team

Hey Busybee,

Sounds like you are really worried about what’s been going on for you lately, and that you’re feeling shaken by how out of control your emotions, sleep, and eating habits have become. I would guess that it’s stressful going into a new school year with the added challenges of what is going on in your body and mind right now. Have these changes been going on for a while now, or are they hitting you all of a sudden?

I get the sense that arming yourself with knowledge about bipolar disorder made you feel a little less helpless as you began to recognize some of the symptoms in yourself and can potentially put a name to what you are going through. I would guess in some ways that makes this even more scary for you, not only to have to face the reality of what bipolar might mean for you but to have to face a doctor or psychiatrist to start the process of getting a diagnosis. It sounds like you have felt really let down by therapists in the past, which makes the thought of reaching out for help even harder to bear. I’m glad you’re taking some steps by talking about it here…I’m guessing there’s a big leap between posting anonymously on our forum and walking through the door of a therapist or doctor’s office though, hey? We unfortunately can’t give you a diagnosis or treatment here, but we can definitely provide a safe space to talk about your struggles and brainstorm with you some ideas of what to do next.

Welcome to the forum, Busybee, you can connect with us here and/or on our live chat from 6pm-11pm if you choose.

the Support Team

Oh wow, Dan.

I know that relationships are a very painful topic for you. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so deserted in the wake of this friend’s wedding. I can tell that it threw into your face all of the things that remind you of how alone you feel, as well as removing one of the supports to which you could turn. You look at the experience that your friend is having, and I can sense the pain radiating from you, the thoughts that roll through your mind.

I have no answers for you, Dan. I wish so badly that I did, because your mind must just be buzzing with all of those questions about marriage and sex, and loneliness. All I can really say is that we are here to hear you, and to listen to the pain and the thoughts. We haven’t heard from you in a while Dan, and I get that this has put you in a really dark place. Are you having many thoughts about suicide right now?

Sending love to you,
The Support Team

Hi blakey, welcome to youthspace.

I can understand why you put quotations around “best friend”. It sounds like what this person is doing is causing you emotional (and some physical) pain and confusion. I can guess you might be feeling pretty vulnerable and uncertain already with the depression diagnosis and your recent attempt to take your life, and it must be wearing you very thin to have to try and figure out your friend’s contradictory behaviour at the same time.
It sounds like you’re totally alone in dealing with this person, and that people around you don’t seem to see the way she hurts you. It makes me scared for you.

We don’t give advice here, blakey (who are we to tell you what to do?), but I can hear that you’re really looking for a way out of this situation. What do you think you would tell a friend to do if they were in the same situation you’re in right now?

We’re here for you. Please chat/text in (we’re open from 6-11 PST every night) if you are having thoughts of suicide still, or if you want to talk about your “friend” or depression. You can find the chat at the top of this page, or you can text us at 778-783-0177 if you’re in Canada.

Stay strong.
-The Support Team

Hello Lonely Oryx, welcome to youthspace.

I’m glad you reached out here in the midst of all of the emotional turbulence that you’re feeling. I get the sense that a lot of the pressure of feeling like an outsider might be coming up for you right now with the approach of school. I can hear how awful a place it seems when you can’t seem to keep up and feel like you belong with the people around you. Sounds like you feel pretty worthless and hurt sometimes, when you look at other people (and their Facebook pages) and see yourself as unworthy in comparison. That must be a horrible sensation.

You don’t sound self-pitying to me. To me, it sounds like you are having a lot of trouble feeling any kind of self-esteem, and wondering what the future might look like if that feeling keeps dogging you. I would imagine that sometimes it’s hard to find any hope. Do you ever have thoughts of suicide when you are in these “cycles of hate”?

We’re here for ya, LonelyOryx. It sounds like a rough time right now.
-The Support Team