Hey WellThen,

I get the sense you’re very burdened by the immense suffering happening around the world every day, to the point that the comforts you have in your own life are always tainted by guilt. I imagine you find yourself questioning why you were chosen to have so much when there are others with so little, and that your ambitions towards a better life for yourself are roadblocked by your doubts that you deserve to have them.

I can hear how important it is for you to be independent and to not impose upon anyone else with your own struggles. I would guess that being so independent can often also leave you very alone with your thoughts, and I’m glad you came here to get outside your own head a bit. We’re all about people making their own choices at Youthspace, and we’re not going to judge you or tell you what to do, I hope that will make you feel comfortable here knowing we won’t try to override your independence.

Six years is a long time to struggle through thoughts of suicide, and I imagine it really pisses you off that others resort to suicide for reasons that seem so trivial in comparison to the big world issues that weigh on you. What keeps you going when things get particularly bleak? Where are your thoughts of suicide at right now?

Know that we will continue to be here for you as you work through these thoughts.

The Support Team

Nie,
I can hear how exposed you feel. It sounds like this loss of control has your mind and heart spinning out of control. Having your eating habits have been disrupted and monitored by your parents — who feel they are acting out of concern for your health — has had the converse effect, as you feel your life is in danger to suicide. Purging was a way for you to feel in control of your food intake and maybe even cope with other feelings. Now that these habits have been invaded I can hear that you are left feeling lower than low, at a loss as to how to cope after bingeing, unable to purge.

I imagine that in those moments you feel a level of self-loathing so unbearable that suicide comes to mind. Can I ask, do you have a plan to end your life? I’m also wondering if you have found any other ways to cope in those panic-stricken moments.

We really appreciate your honesty with us Nie. Know that we are on your team. I hope that if you find yourself moving towards suicide that you will call 911 or another crisis service.

Here for you,
The Support Team

Hi Bri123,
I can really hear the deep resentment that you have towards your feelings of isolation and emptiness. I get that these feelings have clung to you, taken you hostage and you’re totally at their mercy. I can hear that you really hate feeling this way, yet you are so weighed down, I’d imagine that feeling differently seems impossible at times. Can you remember a time when you felt happy, healthy and supported? What would feeling differently look like for you?

Seems like you feel betrayed by your friends when they aren’t there for you when you need them. I’m thinking that their neglect is extremely painful for you, especially when you’re always ready to support them, even at a cost to yourself. And, I can sense how exhausting it is to project a version of yourself that isn’t authentic. I’m wondering what sort of notice you want your friends to give you?

It sounds like feeling so intensely for so long has left you numb — which is almost preferable to the incredible pain that has plagued you for so long. I’m glad you keep connecting here.

Sending you strength and hope,
The Support Team

Hi Nie,

I’m sorry to hear about what happened with your half-brother when you were so young — such terrible abuse is never, ever the victim’s fault. I can hear how frustrated you are that the people in your life are treating your sexuality merely as a negative reaction to your abuse, rather than as an inherent part of who you are. You strike me as someone who is very confident about their sexuality even while acknowledging the terrible things that have happened to you in your past.

There’s no way to know for sure if you have herpes other than by going to the doctor — but facing such a diagnosis can be scary and daunting — especially when you feel as though you have no one close to you to turn to who understands. Is there any way you could access a doctor anonymously?

It sounds like in many ways your sexuality provides you with strength and confidence when other aspects of your life are gloomy. Embrace it!

The Support Team

Oh Bri, it sounds like the schedule at your new school is immensely stressful, while thoughts of what people are saying about you at your old school are also clearly hitting you hard. I would guess you are resentful of other people who are so easily fooled by your false smile and don’t make the effort to look past it and notice how much you are really hurting. I imagine you are angry at yourself for allowing people to bulldoze over your feelings, but also scared what will happen if they see how fragile and vulnerable you really are.

I get the sense you’re running yourself ragged to meet the expectations of your parents, while also feeling incredibly let down by their silence after you disclosed to them how bad things really are for you. It seems as though their apathy has seeped into your own feelings of hopelessness, leaving you feeling disconnected from any reasons you may have once had not to act on your plan to end your life. Is anything helping distract you from the thoughts of suicide when they get really intense?

When it feels like no one else cares, know that we do Bri

The Support Team

Hey Sparrow,

I can hear how much you’ve lost faith in the healing process, and how frustrated you are that your efforts to overcome your eating disorder have yielded so much stress and darkness for you. I’m wondering whether you’re still self harming? I would guess you feel completely trapped at the centre of a tornado of awful feelings, and as much as you’d like to be able to walk away you suspect that a step in any direction will whoosh you right back up into the storm.

I imagine you’re sick as hell of the voices and dark thoughts following you around everywhere you go, not to mention sick of the meetings, medications, and other processes you drag through with a dwindling hope they will bring change. Seems like you are longing desperately for a break from the tiresome work you struggle through every day, and that thinking about suicide makes you wonder if it might be a viable escape. I get the sense that ultimately you hope for an end to your struggling, but not necessarily to your life, am I right? Tiring as it is, what is keeping you holding on right now?

Lean on us when the burden feels like more than you can bear, we’ll be sending you thoughts of strength and courage, Sparrow.

The Support Team

Hi dj,

Thank you for sharing your story with us – it couldn’t have been easy for you to get that off your chest.

I can really sense the unbearable pain that resulted from the abuse by your relative. I would imagine that such a horrible violation of your trust would leave you feeling scared and vulnerable. I’m so sorry that these intrusive thoughts have been plaguing your mind and reducing you to tears for so long. I hope you know that their actions were not your fault.

We’re here for you via this forum or during our chat hours from 6-11 PST on weekdays and 6-12 PST on Friday and Saturday in times when you want to talk.

The Support Team

Hey dj,

No problem – that’s what we’re here for. Feel free to continue to access support on the forum or join us on chat from 6-11 PST on weekdays or 6-12 PST on Fridays and Saturdays – we’ll be here for you.

The Support Team