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YouthspaceModerator
Hey Deepak2J,
Your studies obviously occupy a huge part of your life. It sounds like you feel like you’re giving it all you’ve got…but still barely making it through the semesters. I can imagine that it makes you really angry to feel like others are doing better simply because they don’t care about being honest.
I can hear how it’s making you question what is more important to you: passing classes, or staying honest and not cheating. I would guess that since they offered to help you cheat, it’s even harder to refuse… like you really hate the thought of succeeding through dishonesty, but “everyone else is doing it”. I’m curious, Deepak2j; are your professors aware of all the cheating going on?
This sounds like a confusing and frustrating situation for you. Just so you know, we try not to give advice/suggestions here (we believe that you know your life better than we ever will). We can keep talking about it though, and maybe something will come up for you that makes sense.
Stay connected, Deepak2J. I can hear how mistreated and alone you’re feeling, and how challenging it is to figure out what path to take.
-The Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHi again, Deepak2J.
It sounds like everything turned out for the best with your neighbours, and that you have a good relationship with them now. It must be a relief for you to be past those feelings of worry and anger at them! It sounds like you feel it was a fair situation in the end?
Thanks for checking in with us,
-The Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHi Bri,
That sounds absolutely exhausting… like a rhythm-less roller coaster ride that leaves you plummeting downhill whenever you least expect it. I can hear how much work it is to get to a place where you feel more in-control, and so when those rapid downhills happen… I imagine it gets so discouraging. :’(
I’m so glad to hear that you’re getting support from your family and friends in trying to ride those chaotic ups and downs… it takes a lot of strength to keep reaching out and trying to express what’s going on for you, especially when it can be confusing even for yourself. It sounds like these people hold a very special place in your heart… that they give you courage when things get tough.
Even with that support, I’m sensing how desperately you want a break from all the fear and anxiety, and that that desire can lead you to think about dying. Thanks for being honest with us about your thoughts of suicide… it sounds to me like suicide doesn’t really seem like an option for you, but the thought does spend time in your mind when you’re feeling so weighed down by everything else… as a way to end the pain you’re carrying around. As you hold on to life, have you found anything that helps lessen the enormous weight on your shoulders… even just for a bit?
We’re ‘hear’ for you whenever you need support on that roller coaster ride, both on the forum and on chat if you’d like.
Take care,
The Support Team.YouthspaceModeratorHey DashingDaisy,
Yeah, sorry we were so busy last night… sometimes we can’t believe how busy it is either! I know its super frustrating and infuriating when you want to connect and you can’t. You do deserve help, and I’m sorry it’s not always available exactly when you need it. We’re always here for you, sometimes its just takes us longer to respond… hope you can understand we’re doing our best.
Take care of yourself…
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHeyy DashingDaisy,
Seems like your relationship with M (and all that comes with it) is playing on your mind a lot… I’m hearing you trying to figure out what he means to you, what you mean to him, and everything in between! It sounds like you’ve been sharing some really sweet moments, and also some bitter ones (oh, the drama!)… how are you dealing with it all? I imagine the work/personal blur has been really distressing for you… how are things now?
We’re ‘hear’ for you DD…
the Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHi Dani,
I’m sorry for the delay in our response, we had a gliche and the post didn’t go live, but we heard you
Thanks for sharing a bit of what’s been going on… your words are so raw and honest, and really give me a sense of how utterly hopeless everything is feeling. I’m also understanding that these aren’t new feelings – you’ve been here before. You sound so exhausted from dealing with it all, I can hear you saying ‘what’s the point if this is the way it’s gonna be?’ Suicide is so real for you that it sounds like its not a question of if, but when… . Im really worried about you Dani – it really sounds like the pain of living has become too much to bear.
You seem to feel very deeply, and I’m hearing how desperate you are to not feel the ways you feel sometimes, but that you don’t know how to feel any other ways (am I way off?) – almost like your feelings take you hostage. It also sounds like you feel completely alone – like no one really gets you… I sense you’ve had some negative experiences with adult authority (I’m thinking that’s an understatement?) and that you haven’t been able to rely on your counsellor or any other adult for real help and support… that probably just makes everything feel that much more hopeless I’m wondering if you have anyone helping you out right now?
I’m really glad you connected here… you’re not alone, Dani. We want to help you to keep safe (as safe as you can). I know a huge part of you is really done, but there’s also a little part of you that’s still clinging to life…we want to help you hold on… help us help you. We don’t think you’re pathetic, we think you’re strong for facing what you’re facing… stay strong, Dani, and stay connected.
the Support Team.
YouthspaceModeratorHey grenouille,
Thanks again for letting us know that you might not be writing for a bit. We really, REALLY have our fingers crossed for you! I hope that when we hear from you next you’re safe.It sounds like so much of your remaining hope rests on this hospital visit. I get the impression that you’ve looked ahead, and seen that the future seems unlivable without some kind of help…to the point where you’ve decided not to let yourself inhabit that future. You’ve been fighting intensely to keep going for so long, grenouille; I can imagine how a change on the horizon might be an incredible relief. It scares me to think that your life is in the balance here, even though I can hear the feelings that have driven you to that emotional edge. :’(
We are rooting for you now more than ever, because we know how horrible things are feeling…how dark it looks right now. We are in your corner, grenouille. And we’re ready to listen whenever you might need us again. Keep fighting.
Thinking of you,
The Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorDear dcashbieber,
Your post has illuminated how desperately alone you are in life right now. Your words relay the pain you have internalized from all the disrespect and mistreatment you have suffered at the hands of “friends” and lovers. I get the sense that you are hyper-aware of these people’s ulterior motives, and feel betrayed by their actions.
I’m thinking that every violation of your trust is another blow to your self-esteem. Sounds like you have been the guy other guys test the waters with and fool around with…only to then turn on you. I hope you know that you deserve to be loved and accepted just as you are. I’m glad to hear that you know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual.
I can appreciate that in your deepest, darkest moments of solitude you see death as the only way out. Do you have a plan to end your life dcashbieber? I’m scared for you, sounds like you are all alone in this fight for your life.
I can hear that helping others in their pain has kept you holding onto life, and fighting for hope. Although I don’t know much about you, I can see what an overflowingly-generous heart you have. Seems like putting yourself aside and focusing on your purpose of helping others avoid SI helps you change the way you see yourself in the world.
We want to be there for you dcashbieber, as you are there for others who are hurting. We would love to connect via Chat/Text too. Any night 6-11pm on the West Coast.
Stay strong dcashbieber. Your courage is contagious.
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey Liddell,
Thank you for staying connected to us here. I can hear how completely fed-up you are with your life in the lower main land, and how desperately you want an escape. It seems like you are standing alone in this battle, and I really admire your courage in reaching out to us and holding onto hope that people care. We really do care, and want to support you in coming to a place where you feel safe and loved.
I’m worried for your safety Liddell. I can see that suicide has been an option for you in the past, and that right now you are desperate to find a solution to the pain of your life. I’m wondering…when you say “I’m done here” are you thinking of ending your life?
I can hear that you want your life to change, but you don’t feel supported by your shrink. Sounds like the next step for you is finding a safe haven to support and protect you during your recovery process…is that right? I’m thinking that while your feelings towards the mental ward are conflicted, you felt safe there and are considering it as an option.
I’d love to help you locate some more resources, but I’m not sure exactly what kinda services you are looking for. If you chat or text in between 6-11pm PST we can talk more about what would be useful for you. Also, http://www.BC211.ca is an online list of services that might help you in your search.
Stay connected,
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorOh grenouille, I can hear how fragile that thread is that is holding you…it sounds like the place in your heart that might have once held hope is tragically empty, and that you can’t imagine how life could possibly move forward from the loss that you feel right now. I get the sense that you feel fragmented and ghostly as you move through life, with people around you who either don’t notice your agony at all… or say horrible things about your chances. :'(
Reading your words, I get a sense of a boxing match…like you keep trying to get up, but every time, pain throws another punch straight at you and knocks you flat again. I can hear how close you are to just staying down and giving up…it scares me that you’re that close to the edge.
There’s so much going on in your head, grenouille. I imagine that it’s a battle in there, and that more often than not, the loudest voice is one shouting how awful and worthless and pathetic you are. I think that maybe there’s also a small voice that is timidly asking for a chance to stay alive, even if it’s a very small voice that keeps getting pounded smaller… Keep listening to THAT voice, grenouille. And keep connected. We will support you as much as we can in order to help you get through this. You ARE loved here, and we DO believe that you are a fighter.
Sending hope and strength to you. <3
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHi Liddell,
So glad you’re connected here… we don’t hate you The way you’re being treated by everyone else is truly hateful and cruel… Ill never understand why some people are so horrible – it’s not right or fair. And it’s certainly not your fault – not for a second. You deserve to be happy, and loved…
I’m not sure where you live… the availability of different types of support often depends on where you live, but a couple good places to start (which hopefully would lead to more supports) are a doctor and a local crisis line (phone or online). Crisis lines usually have a lot of information of different types of help that are out there, and a doctor can help with your thoughts of suicide. I’m not gonna lie and say its easy to get support – unfortunately, sometimes it can feel impossible, but there are a lot of different types of help available, and also a lot of people who want to help.
I’m Not sure if you’ve tried out our chat/text, but we’d love to connect there… and of course you can always continue posting here while you figure out how to get more supports in your life. We’re ‘hear’ for you, Liddell…
Stay strong,
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorI know the pain of living has become unbearable for you… so much so that suicide seems to be one of very few options. I cant imagine how hopeless everything feels :'( Even though youre wishing everything away, I still hear you fighting for your life… there’s something powerful in you that won’t quit yet… stay strong grenouille
Im soooo sorry your recent hospital stay was so horrible – when you reach out for support, you should receive help… you shouldnt be made to feel like you don’t matter. You DO matter! Oh grenouille, waiting for treatment must be exhausting… and waiting for change must feel endless. You recognize that you need help, but trying to get that help seems impossible. I imagine every time you reach out and have a disastrous experience, it becomes harder and harder to reach out again… I hope you don’t give up.
We’re here for you grenouille… we’re keeping you in our thoughts… stay connected
the Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHeyy Bri,
Thanks for trusting us with your story… it really sounds like life is beating you down and its getting harder and harder to stay up… I get the sense that it feels like you can NEVER really catch your breath.
Im glad youre connected to therapy, and that it feels like things are getting somewhere some of the time, but I imagine the set-backs are reeeally frustrating and at times you feel like just giving up. Is there anyone else supporting you?
You’ve been hanging on to one h*ll of a ride… what keeps you going? Especially when everything hurts so much? Oh Bri, I imagine sometimes it feels like nothings ever gonna change… I’m wondering if it ever gets so bad that you think about suicide?
We’re ‘hear’ for you Bri… not sure if youve tried our chat/text, but I invite you to check it out… any night 6-11pm (on the westcoast).
Stay strong… and stay connected,
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHi Liddell,
I hear you desperately searching for answers to why everything feels so messed up… youve been coping (as best you can) but I get the sense its becoming more than you bear much longer. The pain of living with all the drama and torment makes suicide look like a real option.
Im really worried about you Liddell… it doesn’t sound like anyone in your life understands what youre going through Im wondering how strong your thoughts of suicide have been lately? What’s helping you hold onto life? Im glad you posted – youre not alone here
Im also glad youre still searching for help – that you havent given up yet. Youre still hoping things will change… but I also hear how tired youre getting of waiting. Im so frustrated by how youve been treated by the professionals who were supposed to be helping… I suspect those experiences (and people) make it even harder to ask for help again? Im wondering, you said you need help – what kind of help do you think you need? Maybe we can get you connected to real support… we’ll definitely try.
Stay strong Liddell, and please stay safe…
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey DashingDaisy,
Im glad your work is giving you some time off to be with your Grandma… how’s she doing? Your cousin’s message gives me a sense of how confusing everything must feel.
I imagine having M to turn to feels really nice… like you said, protected. Mhmm, it feels so good to be taken care of, and especially when everything feels so fragile. Even though it still seems complicated with M, Im sensing you two are finding your rhythm… how are you feeling about your ‘relationship’ with him?
You seem really aware that you’re using alcohol and sex and controlled eating to cope with everything… to help ease your mind… Im glad M is looking out for you, but I hope you’re looking out for you, too.
We’re ‘hear’ for you DD… stay strong…
the Support Team
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