Hi Martin Henrique,

After reading your posts, I get the sense that things had been seeming lighter these days, and I can hear so much hope in your posts from the 31st… the realization that you’ve gotten through a breakup like this before, and therefore do have the strengths and skills to do it again must have been huge. Even though I know your life as definitely changed a bit since grade 8, I’m curious as to what helped you cope during that breakup?

At the same time as that lightness, it sounds like there’s also those days when things just seem to slide back downhill into that darkness. I imagine it’s exhausting to be going up and down like that… kind of like a roller coaster ride you can’t control or predict. I’m sensing too that the low points are even harder because of the frustration and disappointment of being back in that place… which makes those thoughts of suicide louder. It scares me to hear how loud they were last night… how are the thoughts of suicide tonight?

I’m sensing that some of those darkest times for you are when you feel isolated from those around you. I imagine that your thoughts are so much louder during those times and I can appreciate how draining it might be to feel like your brain just won’t shut up. :’( You say you want to be able to reach out to someone, but you don’t think you can trust anyone right now.. want do you think would need to happen for you to feel safe enough to open up to someone?

As a final note, I just wanted to tell you how inspired I am that you’re using your own experience and insight to support the girl in your school, and I’m so glad you offered youthspace as a resource for her. I’m just wondering if you know if she’s been able to talk to anyone specifically about suicide? I ask because at ys we really encourage people to ask directly if someone is thinking of suicide, because it can be such a terrifying experience to bring up when you’re already carrying around so much pain. I’m not in any way saying you have to — it can even be an adult or someone you trust that you could ask to bring it up with her — but I did want to ask because I’m worried about her too.

Stay strong… We’re ‘hear’ for you Martin Henrique,

The Support Team.

Hey Martin Henrique,

Sounds like the past few days have been kind of up and down for you… congrats on your soccer game!

I can hear that the thoughts of your ex are still with you.. and that hanging out with all those couples really magnified her absence and made you worry and regret over lost opportunities with her. I’m glad to hear that you’re not planning ways to kill yourself, but i can definitely hear how much pain you are feeling, and how life is feeling pointless right now.. I’m glad you reached out to e-counselling and that you continue connecting with us.

I imagine that car ride with your mom was really disheartening Martin.. to feel like it was, if not good, at least okay, and then have her say something as dismissive and judgmental as that. I suspect it makes you feel even more isolated, hearing her judge your preference to stay home as something associated with people who ‘weren’t all there’.

Sounds like your sexuality and sex drive have really been at the forefront of your mind lately, and all these questions and what if’s are fluttering around in your mind like giant mosquitoes you can’t squash… i imagine that having these feelings of disgust at the idea of sex is feeling pretty alarming for you, especially because you feel that most guys your age don’t think that way… I get the sense that the idea that you may be gay or asexual is a fairly new one, and one you hadn’t really thought of.. like it just snuck up and rocked your whole world. One resource I can offer if you want is scarleteen.com. They’re a great website with TONS of information on sexuality, and they have forums you can post to as well and get some sexuality questions answered by people who really know their stuff.

That’s pretty amazing that you stood up for what you believe in and what you learnt in your Social Justice class, that takes a lot of bravery… I’m sorry your dad came back at you with a comment that made you feel hurt.. I suspect that with all the sexuality questioning going on, that his response made you feel less comfortable being open with him about it. I just want you to know that whoever you are, whoever you want and whoever you don’t want, is absolutely right and beautiful.

Stay strong, and stay connected
the Support Team

Hey there,

I can hear you’ve felt a lot of disappointment in the past 24 hours. I would guess that you were pissed at your friend for bailing on your plans to go to the gym, and to top it off being picked on by the guys at the gym you considered friends made things feel a million times worse. It sounds like you’re feeling stifled after being at home with your dad all day, and hassled by his nagging comments.

With all the time you’ve spent alone with your thoughts, I can hear how haunted you are with thoughts and flashbacks of your ex. I would guess the pain feels really fresh today for you, and I’m hearing you say that you’re done. I remember that recently you found you were thinking less often of a suicide plan; I’m wondering if that’s changed today? Have you been able to do anything for yourself to bring some relief to the feelings of being let down?

We’re here for you in this frustrating time, Martin
the Support Team

Hey Eva .-.

I can hear how crushing this pain is for you… that it feels like your heart isn’t even capable of feeling more. I imagine the weight of all this pain feels as though it’s strangling the life out of you. I can tell that suicide is feeling like a real option right now; you have a plan to end your life… but at the same time the thought of killing yourself seems just as terrifying as continuing to live it..

Thank you for letting us know that you will be safe for tonight… I’m really worried about you Eva .-. I get the sense that you feel as though you can’t take much more of this pain… You said that you’re afraid of what will happen if people find out, and it can be really terrifying opening yourself up like that to others… but I’m really glad you’re connecting with us and getting some support. Do you think there might be any other people/services you would feel okay talking to in order to gain more support?

Sending lots of love and strength your way Eva .-.
the Support Team

Hey Martin Henrique,

The biggest thing that stands out for me from so many of your posts is how deeply you still care for your ex. It sounds like you’re still feeling really wounded around her, but that in a strange way, she is also a beacon of hope. Even if it’s not a relationship, just being able to talk and share some experiences again would be something to look forward to, hey? I get the sense that your breakup left a huge hole in your heart, and that you’re looking for a way to fill a bit of that emptiness…

It sounds like you’re scared of the idea about thinking about suicide again, after feeling a bit better. How are you looking after yourself right now, Martin? Were you able to catch the hockey game the other night?

It’s neat that you feel like the protest was a success. I must have been an excellent distraction, because it sounds like it was a lot of work! I get the sense that it was nice to be able to put some energy into something that you and your classmates care about.

In the midst of sadness and loss, I am so impressed by your strength, Martin. Stay connected. We’re here as you sort through these feelings.

-The Support Team

Hi Martin Henrique (:

First of all, I just want to let you know the reason we edit things is to make sure YS is a safe place for everyone — both you and all our users. Do know though that we read everything you send us, and in replying to you, we’re replying to the whole post, even if only part of it came up on the forum. I know it can be scary to open up about things that are so personal to you — I am honoured to have you share your story with us.

I’m so glad to hear that things have been going a bit better now.. I can hear how much of a load off of your chest it is to be able to be in the same room as your ex and to think of her without the same stabbing pain as before. In your post you seem hopeful that friendship might be a possibility for you and your ex in the future — I imagine that having that hope makes things a lot brighter in your life. (:

I can sense that the hope is also quieting the thoughts of suicide a bit — at least to the point that you are able to focus on other things and to keep the thoughts under control when they do come up. I can hear how much of a relief that is.

It sounds like you’ve been devoting a lot of time and energy into this protest for a while — and I’m sensing that it was a success? (: You expressed concern that your days might feel meaningless now, and I’m wondering how things are feeling now that the protest is over?

We’re here for you — about both the bad and good.

Take care of yourself,

The Support Team.

Hi Butterfly17,
Thanks for sharing your personal story here on Youthspace.

Through your words, I’m getting a sense of the depth of darkness that you were in before… it sounds like there was pain closing in from every direction, and for some time, suicide seemed like the only option to escape from it all. I’m so thankful that you received a text of love in that moment, and that you were able to keep fighting and to seek help. The fact that you’re here today, helping others who need to hear that message of love and support shows great courage and compassion.

I can hear so much strength in your words Butterfly17 — that strength is truly inspiring. I’m wondering how life has been for you lately? What sort of help did you get that supported you thru this battle?

Dani,
Thank you for sharing your supportive heart hear. Your words seem full of wisdom and experience, and I can only imagine what you have been thru to come to a place where you want to help others thru challenging moments. Know that your contributions are appreciated, more than I can say

Know too that we’re here to support you, or if you’re worried about someone in your life — both on chat and on the forum.

Take care,
The Support Team.