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YouthspaceModerator
Hey Martin and MeMyselfandI,
It’s beautiful to see such strong peer-support here! I’m inspired by both of you, and your abilities to see the other’s perspective.MeMyselfandI — I’m glad to hear that you know your worth, and aren’t willing to settle for someone who has hurt you. I can hear how challenging it can be to let someone leave your life…and I’m so thankful for your strength and compassion in wanting to keep your ex safe. Your generosity in seeing him as happy in his next relationship is really touching. How are you taking care of yourself while you support him? If you ever wanna chat about how this stress is effecting you we are online 6-11pm everynight.
Martin — I really appreciate your optimism. I can see how hopeful you are that there is a girl out there that will love you as much as you do her. Sounds like in the meantime you are finding comfort in the NHL news! What else has helped you move forward from your past heartbreak?
Thanks for sharing your strength here
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey Martin,
I can really sense how tumultuous your feelings are now. There are moments when you ache with the pain and loss of being alone with thoughts of suicide and with your sadness about your ex. But I can also see that there are moments when you feel like there might still be something worth living for. It must be incredibly difficult to keep going when you feel like you’re being tossed around on an emotional rollercoaster. It sounds like there are a lot of times when death seems overwhelmingly serene compared to the chaotic and lonely pain of living.
Thanks for being totally honest with us about the chats. I can understand how it could get frustrating to feel like you’re having to retell your story. Like having extra challenge added when you’re already struggling to find the energy to keep reaching out…Hopefully the forum helps a bit with that. I think we’ve also mentioned the e-counselling that you can access on our website?
Life is so lonely for you right now, hey? I truly get the sense that you’re feeling abandoned with your grief…like everywhere you turn, you find people, but none of them seem to be close enough to really feel what’s going on for you…and some of them hardly seem like friends at all… I can hear that it wounded you when the friend you opened up to didn’t do more, and it sounds like you’re beginning to doubt that anyone really cares. That’s got to feel completely isolating; I’m glad that you have the strength to reach out here.
Martin, the hopelessness and desperation that you’re feeling come through your words so clearly. Your heart has been ripped out, and it must seem impossible that it will ever feel healed. I can hear how close to the edge you are, and how pointless normal activities feel. I’m glad to hear that ball hockey is on the horizon to look forward to, and to temper the darkness a little bit.
We are here for you as you feel this pain. Stay connected.
-The Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey Martin Henrique,
I get a sense you are feeling abandoned by everyone closest to you, with your dad becoming ill, your gf breaking up with you so heartlessly, your friends talking about their gfs constantly, and your mom saying such hurtful things to you. Even NHL hockey hasn’t been there for you lately, which I would guess is normally a big part of your day-to-day life. I imagine you are feeling angry that so many people around you seem to want you to be someone you are not, and particularly pissed off that your ex seems to be drawn toward someone for the wrong reasons.
I can hear how deep and unrelenting your pain is right now, and that you have been searching for different support resources that might help alleviate some of that pain. It sounds like chatting with us hasn’t always been as helpful as you’ve expected; I’m wondering what you have hoped to see happen in the chats that isn’t happening right now? I’d also like to let you know that if you choose to use the chat in the future (and we hope you do!) you are welcome to refer to this post so that you don’t have to repeat your story and can focus more time on what’s going on for you in the moment.
It sounds like suicide is often, if not always, on your mind lately. It sounds like you have come really close to ending your life…is the anticipation of NHL games coming up still helping you hold on? Is there anything else you’ve been able to do to help you cope? Have you self harmed again since the first time the other night?
We hope you will keep connecting however you can, Martin Henrique. Our thoughts are with you in this overwhelmingly difficult time.
the Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHey…
I get the sense that the hospital stay was a fairly positive experience, but since then things have spiraled out of control and you are just barely holding on right now. I imagine you lost in a sand storm…unsure which way to turn, being beaten down by wind and sand from every direction.I hear you getting really down on yourself for the self-injurious behaviours that you have fallen back on since your hospital stay…I’m wondering what it is you feel you should have gotten out of your stay?
Suicide is occurring to you as a way out of this pain…have you planned your death? We are here for you if you want to talk about these thoughts.
Stay safe grenouille19, we’re on your side.
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorIt sounds like Sunday was a horrifically tumultuous day for you DashingDaisy. I get the sense that you feel abandoned by M and unsupported by others in your life. I see anger, hurt, betrayal, and confusion in your words. I can hear how draining all these emotions have been for you, dragging you thru such a battle and leaving your mind and body totally depleted at the end of the day.
When you left off on such painfully poetic words I have to ask…are you thinking of suicide? Your references to internal death made me worry for your safety.
I get the sense that writing your feelings and documenting the events in your life is really important to you – maybe it even lightens the load? I want to let you know that we have edited out specific conversations, cos we feel quoting others here for all to see isn’t safe. The internet is a vast and wonderful place, and we want to keep the content here safe for everyone. I’m glad that you continue to post your story here, please don’t take offense if I try to refocus you on the emotional content
I also wanted to mention the memories or ghosts of your past that seem to be haunting you…are you finding any support for these scary memories? What helps you feel grounded in the present?
Know that we can are sending you cyber hugs
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey grenouille19,
It’s good to hear from you again. We’ve definitely been thinking of you, and wondering how thing were playing out in the hospital. It sounds like you’re feeling very lost and overwhelmed, and perhaps frustrated that your stay there wasn’t more helpful?I get the sense from your words that it’s like you’re trying to build up your strength and find a way to be okay, but that even the smallest things are really hard right now, and it’s difficult to find hope in the cracks between the heavy weights that are being laid down on you. It sounds like everything that you try to do, from leaving your apartment, to eating, to avoiding harming yourself is increasingly exhausting and hard to face, and you’re wondering how bad it can get before it all has to end? Suicide sounds like a very real (and terrifying) option in your mind right now, and I wonder what you mean when you say that it “does not matter”? Is it the fear that does not matter, or the reality of suicide?
It sounds like you’re also increasingly angry with yourself, and I would imagine that the angrier you are at YOU, the harder it is to fight against that urge to kill yourself. :’(
I’m glad to hear that the demons have quieted down some. It sounds like getting the medications both provided some relief and caused a new kind of pain….I get the sense that it was extremely hard to have people at the hospital tell you that parts of your everyday experience are not “real”.
Stay connected grenouille; we are here to support you, and to listen, even when everything seems to be going downhill.
*hugs*
-The Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorOnemorestep,
I can hear the turmoil your heart is in right now. More than anything it seems like you are trying to understand the painful turn your life just took, and I’m so glad you have connected with us here.I think it’s beautiful that you try to console yourself…knowing that this is just a minor setback in the grand scheme of life…yet right now this grief is all-consuming. Your whole world shifted at the loss of your bestfriend. And on top of that you are occupying this strange inbetween land between childhood and adulthood. Does anyone else know how you are feeling right now?
Sounds like you are really shocked and scared by way suicide presented itself as an option in your mind. Thank you for being honest with us about your intentions, I’m glad you are staying safe. I hope that if you ever DO feel the urge to act on these thoughts that you will call 911 or a crisis line (we can offer you resources if you want too).
How are you taking care of yourself in this challenging time Onemorestep? I’m really glad you are sharing your pain here with us. We’d love to Chat too if you’re around between 6 and 11pm.
Know that we are thinking of you
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey Lee,
I can imagine what a journey you’ve been through and continue to go through relating your gender identity to the male-female binary society seems to accept. I would guess it’s exhausting to constantly wonder how you fit in, or whether you should even have to pick a side.
I can hear how unsure you are feeling about how to identify your gender. I personally like the term “genderfluid,” I’m sure I’ve heard it before and it seems to describe well the flow that you’ve experienced from one gender to another (and in between!). There’s a great “sex ed” website you might like to check out called Scarleteen ( http://www.scarleteen.com ), they’ve got a section on sexual and gender identity as well as a forum you can post on for more specific info.
Thanks for connecting with us, and sharing your story with others on here who may be going through similar experiences.
Take care,
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey there writinggirl93, welcome to youthspace.
I want to thank you for sharing your story – I can hear that the last months (and years) have been filled with enormous pain, and I am so glad to hear that you found the strength to get the support that you deserve.. It sounds like there’s way more light in your life than before. (:
I’m also glad you found us and you’re here to support other users. I just wanted to let you know that we edited your post to remove the email address (to keep everything anonymous on here) but other youth can still respond to your post on the forum and talk with you that way.
Always know that we’re ‘hear’ for you too if you want to talk – both on the forum and over chat (every night 6-11pm on the west coast).
Take care,
The Support Team.
YouthspaceModeratorHey Onemorestep,
I get a sense you are absolutely devastated that, after months of dreaming of home, you have returned and found that so many things have changed for the worse. I would guess that the 8 months of verbal and emotional abuse were exhausting and soul-destroying enough, but now to add to it you’re stuck in a house that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin, and have no one left to turn to for support.
I can hear how hollow you feel now, without being able to enjoy things in your present or feel hope for your future. I imagine each day fills you with dread, and drags on forever. I’m really worried to think about how alone and hopeless you feel right now; I’m wondering whether suicide has been on your mind?
It sounds like you know some things you can try to feel better, but at the same time I can hear that they feel “fake” or like meaningless, trivial steps. Is there anything you’ve been able to do that gives you a genuine glimmer of relief?
Stay connected, Onemorestep, we’re here for you in your darkest moments.
the Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHi DashingDaisy,
From your posts, you really show how much you care about others, and especially those who are going through a rough time. Helping that man was scary to me and I worried for your safety while I read your post – for his sake, I’m glad he crossed your generous path… such a huge
I can hear how complex, but also how simple, your feelings are for M. It’s ‘tomorrow’, and Im wondering if you and M got together? You mentioned that you SId and were having some regrets coz he might misinterpret your actions… that’s a tough spot to be in. What caused you to SI in the first place? I hope you’re taking care of yourself as best you can DashingDaisy
the Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHi MeMyselfandI,
Thanks for coming to talk with us on youthspace. (:
It sounds like this fear about your ex-boyfriend attempting suicide has been hanging over you for a long while now.. it must be exhausting to have that constant internal fight over worrying about his safety, yet not wanting to get too involved. It sounds like part of that struggle is trying to understand whether or not he’s serious about the thoughts of suicide, or if he’s just trying to get your attention. I’m thinking that it might get overwhelming, trying to find that balance between protecting yourself and showing your concern for this person you care about — or at least that you did used to care about so deeply.
I’m getting the sense that you do feel like you need to do something about his thoughts of suicide, and I’m glad that your gut is telling you to act.. it sounds like way too much to carry just the two of you. I can hear though that you don’t want to be the person to support him — I don’t think that makes you sound like a horrible person at all. I’m glad that you’re able to set boundaries.. it sounds like you’re pretty in tune with what you need.
You ask how you could go about getting help for him… youthspace is a great start for that. One option could definitely be to send him our way. I’d also really encourage you to get support for him in person… is there an adult you can trust that could reach out to him to talk? Like a school counselor or a parent perhaps..? That can be a scary phone call or conversation to have.. and I encourage you to get support for yourself too thru this.
Also, if you feel like the situation is urgent and he will not be able to stay safe, 911 is the most immediate option. You can also call the Vancouver Island Crisis line at 1-888-494-3888. If it’s between 6pm and 11 pm (west coast time), you could also chat or text in to us (778-783-0177) and, like the crisis line, we could try to send someone his way.
I’m glad you posted on our forum MeMyselfandI , and we’re here to support you as you reach out for support for your Ex (or just about life stress in general if you wanted). Feel free to stay connected both on the forum and/or over the chat/text service.
Take care,
The Support Team.
YouthspaceModeratorHey DashingDaisy,
I can hear that you’ve got a lot going on in your life right now, and I’m thinking that it’s sometimes hard to see straight when your vision is so obscured by traumatic events and confusing emotionsYou spoke passionately about your relationship with M, and I’m thinking that things with him are different than with men from your past. It sounds like you are contemplating the differences between lust and love, and trying to understand or label your feelings towards him.
I get the sense that all these questions about your relationship with M are consuming you, and that it’s leaving you feeling some judgment towards yourself…, that your Grandma’s health and your own health have taken a backseat in your mind.
When you say it’s all over now….are you referring to your relationship with M?
I also hear you say you are determined in your death — I’m thinking that suicide is occupying some space in your mind…can you tell me more about that? I’m worried about you DashingDaisy…sounds like there’s a lot of pressure pushing down on you right now.
I’m thinking that you might be feeling powerless in the wake of everything in your life that you cannot control. Like a lone dandelion, blowing in the wind…knowing that you will soon lose your petals to the wind. How are you taking care of yourself right now DashingDaisy?
Sending strength your way,
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHeyy Bri,
I can really hear how powerless you feel with the panic attacks… like, even though you’re doing what you can to manage them, they’re still coming and invading your life sometimes and it sounds like when those times come, it feels almost unbearable… even though your friends and parents help (and therapy too?), it doesn’t take away the fact that they still come, and when they do – SOMEHOW you need to get through to the other side. You mentioned all the pain that doesn’t go away when the panic attack ends… can you tell me more about that?
Waiting for an attack to end sounds so scary, frustrating and exhausting… I can hear how tired you are of having to deal with this, Bri. I’m glad you have some coping strategies (breathing exercises, staying positive, etc.), but it sounds like they don’t always work
Take good care Bri, and stay strong,
the Support TeamYouthspaceModeratorHey there iheartfood,
Thanks so much for writing to us! I’m stoked you made an account cos I can hear that writing about your concerns has lightened the weight of these issues.
Sounds like you’ve recently become curious about your old diagnosis of ADHD and anxiety, and want to learn more about how these factors may play a role in the challenges you face. I’m thinking that you have been learning to live with these “disorders” for a long time…what do you find helps?
It seems like you have done your research, and are aware of the symptoms of these two factors, which is awesome. If you want to check out some more resources about anxiety we have a few helpful ones…for example mindcheck.ca has some quizzes (even one for Social Anxiety!) that you can take to check out where you are at.
I can appreciate how important it is for you to feel prepared, and when you are uncomfortable about a situation your anxiety levels skyrocket. It sounds like social interactions are sometimes enough to make you feel paralyzed by anxiety, unsure how to act or what someone is thinking…what do you do in these situations to feel safe?
I’m so glad that you’ve connected with a counselor that is supportive and safe to talk to. Your ability to reach out and connect with people over your anxiety/ADHD is really inspiring to me, iheartfood.
I’d really welcome you to use our Chat service also if you’d like… We can talk more about resources or whatever We’re open 6-11pm every night (West Coast time).
the Support Team
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