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YouthspaceModerator
Hello Sophiexx,
I would like to start by saying you need never apologize to us for coming here to share what your feeling, as well it is our honour to try and provide a safe space for you to say what you need to say.
It seems like you’re circling a familiar and dark place and perhaps feel that this could damage some of the new positive influences in your life. To me that speaks of love, that no matter the darkness you may be feeling your concern for those close to you shines through. I can really hear how much these feeling are building up inside you leading to make you feel as though you’re going to explode, I feel that with the added stress of the expectation of University that must feel very intense.
We are here for you as ever, please do chat in if things are getting to dark.
YouthspaceModeratorRio_Rion,
It’s good to hear from you; we’re really worried that you have chosen this week as your last. I can really hear how hopeless you’re feeling in life, and that you are completely alone with the reality of your situation. Seems there are people in your life that you support, and I imagine that makes you an incredible friend to people, but that you don’t feel comfortable accessing support from them. I can imagine you feel precarious, and it seems overwhelming to even think about telling someone how you’re feeling – especially if it seems like they might not truly care, or might look down on you somehow. The fact that you feel support at this point is hopeless really scares me…I get the sense that you are struggling to see a future that doesn’t involve suicide.
It sounds like you’ve been sliding downhill awhile.. I can imagine how exhausting that sense of doom that you were carrying would have been. You say that there are circumstances that might push you faster down that hill.. I’m curious what these circumstances are – ? How have you managed to deal with them happening so far this year? We’re here if you want to tell us more about the feelings of insanity.
I’m really worried about you Rio_Rion…from you posting here it shows me that even a little part of you is still living. I can hear how desperate you are, and increasingly numb you feel, but I wonder if there is a way to help or some sort of services I can help you get connected to?
It sounds like your plans for suicide are becoming more and more real. If you are scared for your life, I encourage you to please call emergency services (911). I truly believe, no matter how hard it is for you to see right now, that your life is precious and that you deserve to live a life free from such suffocating pain. I would like to try and help make that a possibility. If you are open to connecting via Chat, or sharing your information here, we will be grateful to send some help to you in this, your darkest hour.
<3 Youthspace.ca
YouthspaceModeratorHey Rio_Rion,
I can hear how little hope life holds for you, and it sounds like everything in your daily life is losing meaning for you too. It sounds as though you’re sitting in an in between space, waiting for change. I imagine that’s exhausting and frustrating, and perhaps hopeless at times.
I am so glad that you have saved so many numbers…and yet I also get the sense that you aren’t receiving the kind of support you need right now. Do you have people to turn to in those most challenging moments? You deserve support right now and we want to be here for you.
I can hear how much planning you have put into these dates, and I’m concerned. I’m curious what’s kept you alive until these dates.. and if there’s anything special that draws you to the specific dates you have planned. Has anything changed for you in the last fews days since you posted here?
I can hear how at a loss you are of what could help.. my sense is that you have fought and tried to fix things for so long that you feel now there’s no energy left for that fight. I’m really worried about you, as from you posting here I’m sensing that at least a little part of you wants to be alive, even if you’ve lost hope for how that can be a possibility for you. I know we have mentioned chatting in before, and I really encourage you to come and talk to us over chat if you are posting from Canada (open 6-midnight PST every night). I’m curious if you think you might be able to come in and chat with us (or another service) before you takes steps to end your life when your planned for date come?
Thank you for continuing to connect with us and share your story. I hope you are able to share your thoughts of suicide with someone else in your life who cares and supports you too. These are heavy thoughts to be alone dealing with. <3
- Youthspace. <3
- This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Youthspace.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Youthspace.
YouthspaceModeratorOh no good,
It sounds as though your heart is just breaking in two. I am so sorry you’re having to go through this :(.
From what you’ve said, the break-up came out of the blue and just turned your word upside-down and left you reeling. I imagine his sudden change of heart would be very confusing for you to understand. Since he told you so little about his reasons, I’m guessing you’re agonizing over why and what he was thinking? I get the sense that one part of you feels really betrayed by his decision and has got you doubting everything that came before.
The anguish you’re feeling seems as though it is incredibly painful and hard for you to sit with. We have a list of distractions or some breathing exercises that you might find useful. Would you like me to share those with you?
It seems he was a big support in your life and now that he is gone, you’re left feeling as though there is no one else to reach out to. I’d bet that is both really upsetting and scary. To feel as if you’re suddenly alone in this world, particularly when you’re in a new town, would be very challenging.
I know we’re not the same thing at all, but we are here when you need us and we’re thinking of you <3.
Youthspace- This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Youthspace.
YouthspaceModeratorRio-Rion,
From what you’ve shared, I imagine you’re in incredible pain and feeling as if there is nowhere left for you to turn. It sounds like you feel isolated and are struggling with all this on your own. I’d bet that would be exhausting and completely disheartening, like screaming into the wind. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you decided to give one last try and reach out to us.I’m really worried about you when you say you are planning to end your life before the end of October. I can only imagine how hopeless you feel right now and how desperately you want things to change. I hear you when say that you’re trying to save yourself from monsters. It sounds like a battle you’ve been fighting for a long time and now you really need someone to fight along side you. Please know that we want to support you as best as we can.
I understand how serious you are about suicide and at the same time, I get the sense that you really want help staying alive. We will do everything in our power to help you. Our chat service is available from 6pm to midnight PST, if you need someone to chat to about anything. We also offer e-counselling through our website: http://youthspace.ca/email/. If you wanted to share your geographic location, I could also provide you with the number of a crisis line in your area.
You mentioned feeling like you’re not ready for the hospital and I wondered what do you think would be useful for you now?
I really hope you will stay in touch.
Youthspace Support Team.YouthspaceModeratorHi Rio_Rion,
Welcome to youthspace.ca. I’m glad that you did post here – and that you were honest with your words. I can hear that you’re struggling to see through the haze of anxiety and depression, and that it’s been a LONG battle for you. I can imagine that it’s exhausting to bring up these things and to scrape together the energy to reach out when you’ve tried so many paths, without feeling like you’ve made progress.
I get the sense that you feel a shift within yourself, like things have gotten even worse. Like the bit of hope you were clinging to has been fraying. I can imagine it feels both saddening and terrifying to feel as though you’re closer to that edge….but maybe it’s also just hard to feel anything anymore? I wonder if you’ve been thinking about suicide?
I read your words. And I found them to be compelling. I hope that you are able to keep reaching for help. Remember that we have email counselling and live chat also available on this site. We’re here for you.
Youthspace Support Team
YouthspaceModeratorHey Thisisblue,
We’re glad to hear from you. Sharing what’s going on for us, even anonymously, can feel very vulnerable and I understand how afterwards it might have felt a little embarrassing for you. I imagine it took some courage to share all this with us! I want to assure you, we felt no judgement about your problem and were honoured you reached out to us.
It sounds as though as your friend’s departure date gets closer, it’s becoming more consuming for you. I imagine you’d feel pretty frustrated with yourself that you can’t put the thoughts about your future with out her nearby out of your mind to enjoy her company while she is still here. I can really tell how much you value and care for her. Have you shared how you’ve been feeling with anyone in your life?
We’re always here for you if you need us.
<3
YouthspaceP.S.
I see that in the previous reply to the link we intended to share (that offered some coping tips) didn't seem to appear! I am sorry about that. I am pasting it again here for you: http://youth.anxietybc.com/YouthspaceModeratorCursed
I really appreciate your thoughts on this. You brought a lot to think about to the table. I can appreciate hope hard it can be to stop such a soothing habit, something one has been doing for years. From a physical health stand point you are right, sucking on your thumb in later year can cause issues to develop with teeth and the mouth. At the same time, mentally the habit is so soothing in the moment that those issues seem so far in the future, making it really hard to quit. I imagine that cage was not fun at all. I like the idea of hugging a pillow much better.
YouthspaceYouthspaceModeratorLostintherain
I can imagine carrying around feelings of being judged and being an outsider when you just want to belong can be so overwhelming. To move from a place where you feel at home and have a network of supports from friends and family and then move to a place where you fear doing something “wrong” and being more of an outsider can eat away at you, bringing on more feelings of isolation and loneliness. It seems like you have made some friends but being here does not feel like home yet. Like you could lose them at any time, similar to how you lost your previous friends.
It seems that similar to KryptonicIris, you are feeling a lot of pain and depression. I wonder, other than release anguish through crying, what you do in those moments when the pain gets high to help ease it a bit? (You are also welcome to come chat with us any evening, we are open 6 pm till 12am PST).
YouthspaceYouthspaceModeratorHello Spoonfuls,
This sounds like a highly stressful and frustrating work situation. To have a person who should be a role model instead treat you and your co-workers in a frustrating and poor manner, well it really sucks. I can hear all the anxiety and stress that is pressing upon you in this job. To have days off, but also could at any time be called in with threat of losing your job if you deny it. Additionally, I can imagine how hard it is to take the blame for another’s mistake. That is a really hard place to be in. It seems like you feel mistreated, and very isolated from any help in this situation.
I hear that the owner may be a source of conflict resolution but you still fear that going to them without backup may ultimately end in the loss of your own job. It sounds like you are really wanting positive change to occur, but currently you’re nervous that your co-workers might not support you, and it feels risky to think about taking that step. It sounds like you’re so tired and agonized by this situation that you just want to leave, and not have to deal with it for another day.
Its hard to say exactly what worker rights you have, as each province has slightly different ones, but you may find it helpful to look into your rights as an employee in Canada. Here is a link to a listing of all the different provinces’ and territories’ labour laws: http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/work/labour-standards.asp I hope there is something helpful in there as you try to move forward with your workplace pressures. And please know that you can keep talking things out here. We can’t give you direction on what to do, but we’re here to support you through the stress and weariness of dealing with this situation.
Youthspace
YouthspaceModeratorWelcome to the Youthspace Forum, thisisblue.
Your best friend moving away sounds as though it’s really turning your world upside down and leaving you feeling really nervous about the future.
You mentioned feeling as though your problems are insignificant and I want you to know that it doesn’t seem that way to me at all! Having someone in our lives who cares about us, and is there for us, strikes me as one of the most important things in life. I can imagine how having that person move away would be absolutely devastating and take a while to get used to.
Correct me if I am way off base here, but it seems like feeling anxious about things is common for you? I imagine that would be draining and make doing things, like going out and making new friends, pretty challenging for you. I am not sure if is something you’d be interested in. It has some useful tips about coping with anxious feelings. No pressure to check it out, if it doesn’t fit for you, I just thought I’d offer it as a possibility :).
It’s so hard feeling lonely and like there’s no one to turn to! I know it is not quite the same thing, but please know we’re always here for you on the forum or on our chat service (6pm -12am PST) if you need someone to talk to.
Stay in touch,
Youthspace.- This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Youthspace.
YouthspaceModeratorHi Surreal_Realist
I hear ya, it can be so frustrating to be confined by social pressure expectation. It seems like you are starting to find ways around the restrictive role that your family and church expect you to play – though cautiously so. You want to explore your sexuality and see where it will take you, but are limited for fear of social repercussions. I can imagine it’s scary to think you might cause conflict with your parents or the church by acting on your sexual desires. I hope you know that you deserve to feel safe to exploration your sexual orientation, and be accepted just as you are.
If you are interested in reading more about what other people are going through in this sort of situation I would recommend Scarleteen – http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/my_parents_and_i_have_different_ideas_about_sex_and_relationships_how_can_i_st is one post that might resonate with you?
Keep in touch. We’re here to support you in this process.
Youthspace
YouthspaceModeratorWelcome to the Youthspace Forums, Drowning, we’re really glad you’re here.
I am sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time at the moment.
My impression is you really want to be living the big, full life you deserve and are crushed that the anxiety keeps getting in the way. I get that it would be really difficult to look around and see your friends going through life without having to deal with all the anxiety that you do.
It sounds like you’re getting fed up with the fact that you can’t find a way to make the anxiety monster go away for good and are feeling very disappointed and frustrated that you have to keep fighting the same battles over and over again. I imagine it’s really starting to wear you down and that you’re starting to lose hope about the possibility of things being different for you. I’d guess you might even be feeling a bit depressed?
From what you’ve said, it seems like you have a lot of skills and courage when it comes to facing down the anxious feelings in the moment ( you’re able to fight back) and I wondered what sort of things you do to make yourself calm down?
<3 Youthspace
- This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Youthspace.
YouthspaceModeratorKaelan101
I want to start by apologizing for not responding to your posting sooner. We try to be more active in the forum and reply within three days. We experienced a bit of a glitch with our system and did not see your post right away, but we are here now and will be here for you whenever you need to talk through this more. I also want to acknowledge that you put a lot more thought and information into your post than what made it to the forum, I assure you we have read it all and will be responding to you with that knowledge.
I can hear how difficult the past while has been for you, struggling with depression and with the motivation to want to take the medication. It can be so hard, when feeling down and in the dark is your everyday existence for so long, to feel comfortable with ‘happy,’ and that sucks. You try so hard to work on being happy and when you get there it is not as comfortable as you wanted it to be. So you go back to your comfort zone and self-harm, but part of you doesn’t really want to be there.
It sounds like you are in a lot of pain right now and wanting to not feel that pain. Dark thoughts run through your mind bring suicide to the forefront. You want to stop the pain but you also don’t want to spread that pain to your family, who you love and care for so much. It’s all so overwhelming and you are getting lost in the intensity and overwhelming nature of all the pain. I get the sense you have been really struggling for a long time now, and are exhausted with the fight…does anyone in your life know that it has gotten so bad for you?
We are here to talk to you as you go through these strong, dark emotions. Feel free to text or IM us any night the feelings get strong (or just when you feel the need/want).
The Support Team- This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Youthspace.
YouthspaceModeratorHi surreal_realist
I can see what a hard space you are in right now. On one hand you have discovered yourself, your love for both men and women and on the other hand your religion tells you this is wrong. I can see that both these aspects of you are important, and you are struggling to bring those parts of you together.
I commend you on being open enough to explore this. I personally believe that everyone deserves to love and be loved. I cannot tell you what path to walk, you know yourself better than anyone. It is hard when your faith tells you that what you feel and who you are is wrong, and you don’t deserve to feel that pain. I can hear how you are stuck between your sexuality and your religion, making you feel lost on your path, not knowing what direction to turn.
I can see the strong desire you have to live your life as you feel and do not want to have all the negativity that can come with some parts of your religion. We are here to chat with you and explore these feelings as you choose your path.
Youthspace
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